|
Resisting Temptations
by
Keelywolfe
Exhausted frustration was practically radiating
from us, as we listened to the King of Hroka drone on about the
gratitude that he and his people extended to us, the great Jedi of
the Republic, whose insight and wisdom had prevented civil war
amongst his people. And we, the Jedi in question, standing in a
posture of utmost respect, were muddy, bloody, and wanted nothing
more than a hot meal, a few hours of uninterrupted sleep and a fast
ship back to Coruscant.
No one else in the room seemed to notice the subtle emissions from
the Force that wavered around us and, were I not Jedi-trained, I
wouldn't have noticed it either. It was a testament to how
exhausting and stressful this mission had been, that I could feel
such emotion from my master. Even a Jedi Master can get frayed
nerves and at this moment ours were laid clean to the bone.
Outwardly my master looked as cool and composed as always, to the
common eye at any rate. I, on the other hand, could almost hear his
mental teeth grinding as the King began to reiterate yet again the
many thanks of his people.
The Hrokian Court looked down at us, bowed respectfully to their
king, with vapid smiles. They all seemed to be listening to him
raptly, enthralled by the man. Why didn't that surprise me?
The Hrokian aristocracy seemed to me to often be self-indulgent
buffoons, though I would never say such things aloud. And here we
were, before the king of fools as he dared to thank us for
preventing civil war on their planet.
Thanking us here, in their palace that they had lined with plush
rugs and velvet, while their people starved. A short time ago the
Hrokian people had finally had enough and had revolted against the
extravagance of their leaders. In desperation the King had begged
the Republic Senate for assistance and we had arrived just in time
to prevent the peasants from executing all the Royalty on the
planet.
For the past month Qui-Gon and I had been negotiating between the
aristocracy and the common people, on a few occasions narrowly
avoiding being executed ourselves, until a sort of peace had been
arranged. And now we were in the palace, the King again sitting on
his rightful throne as he relayed his thanks to us. All in all, I
would have to say I would have preferred staying with the peasants.
Every cell in my body rebelled at having to assist these
self-indulgent prigs.
I kept that thought very tightly shielded. I had said something
vaguely similar to Qui-Gon upon our arrival here and he had
immediately lectured me on what he called narrow-mindedness. He
pointed out that the fact that the Hrokian's had sought help meant
that they were at least trying to adjust their perceptions.
I'm still skeptical. Perhaps it's unseemly for one who follows the
ways of the Jedi, but in this case I'm sticking to the adage of
believing it when I see it.
Forcibly I returned my attention to the King, who was apparently,
finally, finishing his impromptu speech. Another bow as we both
struggled to keep our relief hidden and we were, at last, off for a
well deserved rest.
Qui-Gon used the facilities first, his right by rank and privilege.
I stripped to my underclothes while I waited and sank to my knees in
a near mockery of meditation. I was far too exhausted to focus on
anything, rather I just let my mind drift, allowed my thoughts to
settle on nothingness. The bone-deep exhaustion I'd been carrying
for too long seeped out of me and I fell inward so deeply, so
quickly that I almost didn't hear my Master calling me.
I opened my eyes and he was crouched in front of me, damp hair
hanging in a fringe around his face. He smiled at my surprise and
ruffled my hair lightly.
"Take a shower, Padawan, and then get some sleep. I do believe we
both deserve it," he said, turning away to comb his hair into some
semblance of order before contacting the Council.
I didn't need to be told twice. The hot water melted away the
stiffness and tension that the meditation hadn't, and I stayed there
far longer than was truly necessary. But as Qui-Gon had said,
perhaps we both deserved a bit of pampering.
I finally forced myself out of the shower and into fresh clothes,
taking just a moment to enjoy the feel of cloth that wasn't sweat-
sticky and stained, before I finally wandered, barefoot, back into
the main room.
One look at Qui-Gon's face told me that all was not well. I said
nothing, settled myself on the floor to comb the long strands of
hair behind my ear. Years of experience had taught me that if I
simply waited, Qui-Gon would eventually tell me what was on his
mind. Asking would just get me The Look, and perhaps even a short
lecture on the rudeness of questioning a master, depending on his
mood. And I myself was in no mood for a lecture, so I waited, neatly
braiding the lock of hair as I had done perhaps hundreds of times
before. I'd just fastened the last tie when he spoke.
"The Council wants us to stay a few more days, to make sure that
this situation is settled." The tone was even and calm as ever, but
I knew him far too well not to notice the resigned tone underneath
the placid exterior.
I nearly wilted at his words. Another few days in the company of
these overbearing, pampered... "Yes, Master," I said, belatedly, and
I could have sworn there was a faint touch of amusement in those
eyes. I decided not to pursue it and with a short bow I took my
leave, settled with hedonistic delight into the softness of my
borrowed bed and sank willingly towards the embrace of sleep.
I shouldn't worry so about our staying, not even to myself. It was
only a few more days, after all. What could possibly go wrong?
"I am asking you to be my consort."
I nearly choked on the water I had been in the process of sipping.
My Master and I had gone to the common hall for the morning meal and
had hardly seated ourselves before the Viamcountess had joined us.
The meal was a subdued affair. These people might want to pretend
that all was well and had returned to what they felt was normal, but
their posture stated otherwise. They would not soon forget what had
so nearly caused all of their deaths. I hoped.
The Viamcountess, however, cheerfully acted as if my Master and I
had been here for nothing more important than a party. The niece of
the King, she had a certain amount of status on this planet and she
flaunted it, had been flirting with me, trying to distract me since
we'd landed on this planet. I had been able to ignore her, escaping
into my duties until this moment, when manners forced me to be a
captive audience. Qui-Gon, for his part, played the consummate
guest, polite to the extreme, and I mimicked him to the best of my
abilities. Until now. Until she'd asked that.
I looked directly at her and I nearly choked again at her
expression. She was nearly preening, arrogance coloring the Force
around her with a fine mist of yellow. Certainly she was a lovely
woman, but did she really think that being asked to be her consort
was such an honor? That I should collapse at her feet and smother
her toes with kisses of gratitude? That I would give up all my
training, everything I'd worked for, to be the disreputable lover of
a woman I hardly knew?
I hesitated, looking for words to decline her offer in the politest
way possible. Such a situation would require a delicate use of the
tact and diplomacy that had been ingrained in me since I was a
child.
Just as I was about to speak, my eyes caught my Master's and in
those depths I saw barely disguised humor. A spark of annoyance lit
within me. So he found this amusing? A plan formed in my head and I
pulled up my shields around me, to disguise my intent.
"I am truly honored by your request, Your Grace. However, I already
have a betrothed." So saying, I settle my hand over Qui-Gon's, which
had been resting on the table, and squeezed lightly. Just as Qui-Gon
had been drinking his own water and he -did- choke, ever so
slightly. I patted him on the back, a little harder than necessary
and he brushed me off with a faint frown. My lips didn't even twitch
but I knew he could feel my amusement. Oh, I was going to pay for
this little prank but good and I knew it. But I just couldn't
resist, the temptation to wipe that smirk off his mind far to great.
When I returned my attention to the Viamcountess, the change within
her was so staggering that I blinked. Gone was the pouty-lipped
seductress who had been dogging my heels since our arrival. In her
place was a seething she-bitch, the glare in her eyes reminiscent of
the look that you'd expect to see in the eyes of a razor hound, not
royalty. She graced us with a tight smile.
"Well, then. I wish you both much happiness." The venom in her tone
belied her words and she turned and stalked away from us.
A glance at Qui-Gon revealed an all-too familiar expression and I
winced inwardly. Ah well, it was well worth the price of any
punishment to have seen the expression on his face when I called him
my betrothed. I layered my humor underneath tight shields so that he
could no longer feel it and continued my meal. The longer I ate, the
longer he would have to wait to punish me.
The next day I wasn't as sure to the worth of pulling one over on my
master, as the many aches and pains of the brutal training routines
he had put me through would testify. Still, even that was a source
of amusement to me today. I had known that he wouldn't say anything
to me, and he hadn't. He wouldn't lower himself to chastising me for
my cheekiness.
It wouldn't have worked anyway, that much he knew. Even as a child I
had always dutifully acknowledged my wrongdoings while my eyes
sparkled mischief up at him. No, it was far better, he had
discovered, to make me regret my impudence in different ways, as
well as exhausting me too much to think up any more schemes.
And so when we were again summoned to the throne room I could barely
smother a groan as I forced myself to dress as quickly as possible.
And I had to stifle a sour glare at Qui-Gon as he moved about with
his usual grace, showing no trace of stiffness from yesterday's
exertion.
We were led before the King, and again we bowed in unison before
him. Privately I wondered what this was about. Our negotiations
here, as much as the results had disgusted Qui-Gon and myself, were
really quite finished. I felt a twinge of apprehension. The king
looked far too pleased with himself. I definitely had a bad feeling
about this.
"I am most pleased to see you both again! It has come to my
attention that perhaps there is a way for me to repay you for your
kindness to our people." He held up a hand when Qui-Gon would have
protested. "Have no concern, Master Jedi, it is not a monetary
reward. My gracious niece," he indicated the Viamcountess and I felt
my stomach plummet. Oh, this could -not- be good. I pulled my
attention back to what the king was saying. "She has told me that
you are betrothed, and I thought that no reward I could give you
would be better than for me to acknowledge your Bond myself."
For the briefest of moments, I actually thought I might faint. Dark
spots wavered before my eyes and I swayed briefly before a strong
hand caught my arm in a painfully tight grip, holding me upward.
Qui-Gon. Yes, he would find a way out of this disaster. Surely there
was a polite way to decline the offer. Qui-Gon bowed deeply, the
hand on my arm taking me with him.
"Your Majesty, we would be honored to have you witness our bond."
Neither of them seemed to notice my rising panic. Qui-Gon's iron
grip on my arm kept me silent even as I was mentally screaming my
dismay. The Viamcountess flashed me what I would swear was a
positively evil smile, I could sense satisfaction oozing from her in
trickling waves.
The King beamed at us, "Excellent! I will make arrangements then.
The ceremony will be tomorrow then, yes? You may go, please have no
more concern for the state of our people, spend the day preparing
for this most wondrous of occasions!"
With another bow, Qui-Gon turned and left, dragging me along behind
him. He didn't say a word as we entered our rooms, and I couldn't
even begin to think of what to say. I wet my suddenly dry lips,
struggling for something, anything. This was entirely my fault, all
my doing because of a stupid prank and then Qui-Gon released my arm,
turning away from me and I could feel nothing of his emotions from
our link, nothing at all.
Without conscious thought I dropped to my knees, bowing so that my
forehead was pressed to the floor. "Master, I am so sorry. Please
forgive me." Finally, an emotion leaked past Qui-Gon's iron control,
the last emotion that I would have expected. Shock. He sank to his
knees next to me, forcing me to sit up.
"Obi-Wan, I'm not angry, it's all right." He sighed then, "This
isn't your fault, my Padawan," he smiled wryly, "At least not
entirely." He rubbed his temples tiredly and my guilt level raised
yet another notch. This mission had been difficult as it was without
my adding on to it with my foolishness.
Another sigh and he shifted to lean against wall, pulling his knees
up and tilted his head upward. I moved to sit next to him and we
both studied the ceiling for a time, as if all the answers of the
universe were written on the tiles. I was the one who finally broke
the silence.
"Master," I hesitated briefly, then blurted out, "Why did you agree
to the bonding?"
He shifted slightly, actually looking somewhat embarrassed. "It
seemed to be the only thing to do at the time," a shrug, "If we
refused the bond then the king would be offended. If we told them
that it was a lie, that we are not betrothed, they would lose trust
in us. If we go through with the bond..." He shook his head. I could
see his point; all roads led down the same path.
Well, then we should take the path of lesser damage "We should go
through with the bond then." It would be a lie, but while Jedi
follow the light, its path and the path of truthfulness are not
always the same, we are often forced to shade the truth, to
manipulate others, to see things from a certain point of view. And
we could always annul the bond later, with no harm done on either
side.
His lips did not curve in the slightest but I could hear the
repressed amusement in his voice. "I'm glad you approve, Padawan,"
he said ironically. He slapped his thighs lightly then and stood.
"Well then! Since we have the day to ourselves, I am going to do
some research on this bonding ritual. You," he said, pointing a long
finger as he towered over me, "You are going to go to the gardens
and go through Routines one through four."
I couldn't hold back a wince at that order. Routines one through
four after all the training we did yesterday? Going through all of
them would take me several hours at least. Not upset with me, he'd
said. Yeah, right. I shot him a suspicious look to which he
responded with the blandest of expressions, extending a hand to help
me to my feet. I took it, suppressing a sigh that would only get me
more work. I gathered up my lightsaber and left just as he sat down
to read through the Hrokian files on bonding.
Well, let this be a lesson to me in listening to my instincts. I'd
known I was going to be paying for that little prank, and I was, in
muscle aches.
Stretching out the leftover stiffness from yesterday I went quickly
through the warm-up exercises. The sun wasn't high yet and the
gardens were still morning cool, for which I was grateful. I let my
body take over, my mind completely focused on the task at hand as I
moved into the first routine. I warmed quickly to the exercise,
despite my grumbling I did truly enjoy the physical effort required
by the routines, the absolute concentration and linking with the
Force.
I was only a quarter of the way through the first routine when a
blast of unmitigated shock slapped into my brain. It was a credit to
my training that I didn't collapse to my knees, only faltered
slightly, but I stopped a moment later when I realized that the
emotion had filtered to me through the training bond I had with my
Master.
I walked back to our rooms as quickly as propriety allowed, entering
to find him still sitting at the monitor where I had left him.
"Master?" I asked, hesitantly. He started, blinking, as if he hadn't
even noticed me enter to room. That oddity only increased my
apprehension. I felt my brow crease. "Master, is there something
wrong?"
To my complete and utter bewilderment Qui-Gon abruptly flushed red,
his mouth opened as if he was going to speak but he stopped, mouth
working but no words emerging. Finally, he just gestured towards the
screen.
Curiosity was eating me alive, but I found myself strangely uneasy
to see what had so unnerved my utterly composed master. I inched
forward on suddenly weak legs until I could just read it.
....after the declaration, the representative blesses the union and
he or she, as well as the others present, are responsible for
witnessing the copulation to complete the ceremony...I blinked and
let my eyes flick back to what I'd just read.
Copulation. Copulation? Copulation during the bonding ceremony? In
front of -witnesses-?!? My knees finally gave up the battle and I
collapsed weakly in a nearby chair, Qui-Gon watching me gravely.
I swallowed dryly, "We're supposed to...in front of them?"
He nodded.
"Master, I don't think I can..." I gestured helplessly and he stood,
quickly shaking his head.
"No, no, I would never ask you to, it's just..." A heavy sigh and he
stood, again rubbing his temples and I understood without words.
It's just it went back to the original problem. We didn't have
another option. And aside from that, Qui-Gon was misunderstanding
me, I could feel it.
"It's not you, Master." For some reason, I felt compelled to say it
and it was true. Qui-Gon was a very attractive man, but, while I had
experimented with men when I first came into my sexuality, I'd
decided the experience paled in comparison to women.
Still, I could probably withstand it, but..."I just, I mean, in
front of witnesses? I'm not sure I can..." But I would have to, I
suddenly realized. I had caused this problem and so the burden
should rest with me, any of our other choices would place shame on
the Jedi order. I just couldn't see myself doing such an intimate
thing in front of others, with all the fumbling awkwardness that
comes with taking a new lover. And I knew my Master could sense my
discomfort and the reason behind it, just as I could feel that he
rather felt the same.
"Maybe we should practice?" I blurted out. Belatedly, my mouth
clicked shut to stop the flow of words, so quickly that I narrowly
avoided biting off my tongue. Did I just say what I thought I'd
said?
I'm not sure if it is physically possible for embarrassment to make
a human burst into spontaneous combustion, but I certainly gave a
good go of it. And I almost wished that I would, if I were only a
little cinder of leftover Padawan, it would certainly take care of
the problem at hand.
But I was not to be so fortunate. I risked a glance upward at my
Master's face and combustion threatened again as my embarrassment
increased tenfold. Qui-Gon was looking at me as if I had ewoks
crawling out of my ears.
Then his shocked expression turned to a thoughtful one, considering.
I could almost hear him mentally ticking off the options in his
head, as I had done earlier.
"Perhaps we should." His expression was one of a person who was
striving for practicality, simply dealing with the situation as best
he could. His voice, however, cracked like a first year Padawan's.
"Yes," I hastily agreed. "We're both adults, it's really not such
big deal." Brave words of the condemned. "If we...then maybe we...in
front of them..."
"Yes, yes, then we could..." he gestured weakly and I nodded. "So we
should..." Neither of us moved. At least, not towards each other. I
fidgeted nervously in the chair until I noticed what I was doing and
made myself stop and Qui-Gon seemed to suddenly take great interest
in the floor of our quarters.
This definitely would not do. If we couldn't do this in the privacy
of our quarters, how could we do anything in front of others? But
even as I thought it, Qui-Gon straightened, drawing that
ever-present dignity around him like a shield. He took a step
towards me, reaching for me, and it took every ounce of discipline I
had not to flinch away. This -had- been my idea. But all he did was
take my hand and pull me gently to my feet.
"Come with me, Padawan. I have an idea." Still holding my hand, he
led me to the bedroom. His bedroom. I trailed behind him, the
butterflies in my stomach threatening to rise up and choke me.
Dropping my hand, he moved to rummage through his belongings. "Take
off your tunic."
He turned back around, stopping when he noticed I hadn't complied. I
just stood there, completely frozen as if all muscle control had
deserted me. Qui-Gon's lips suddenly quirked upward and I got a
vague impression in his mind of how young I looked, eyes wide and
apprehensive, like a child. That shook me out of my paralysis, him
thinking of me as a child was not going to help our situation.
Determinedly, I stripped, folding my clothes neatly until I was bare
to the waist. I stood there silently, waiting for the next command.
I didn't have to wait long. "Lie down," he said, gesturing at the
mattress. Paralysis threatened again, but I doggedly pushed it aside
and settled back on the mattress.
Qui-Gon shook his head. "Lie on your stomach."
Now this was too much. Every request had been more difficult than
the last and I had done it without question, but this! I opened my
mouth to protest but before I could say a word he held up what he
had gotten from his bag. A small bottle of massage oil.
"I thought it might help us relax," he explained.
I felt a blush heat my cheeks as I remembered what I had been
thinking he was going to do. Qui-Gon raised a questioning eyebrow,
his expression knowing and I quickly rolled over, burying my face in
the sheets and hiding my embarrassment. I flinched when I felt warm,
slippery hands touch my bare back and forcibly I tamped down the
reaction. This was Qui-Gon, I told myself sternly, and we had both
given and received backrubs from the other many times in the past.
But not like this, a tiny voice whispered in the back of my head. I
told it to shove off.
And then strong hands were kneading my oiled skin and I nearly
melted into the blankets, all the soreness and stress from the past
few weeks rubbed away. I sighed softly, settling deeper into the
blankets as Qui- Gon's hands moved lower, squeezing softening
muscles until his hands rested on the waistband of my pants. He
hesitated there, fingers rubbing small circles on my skin.
"Obi-Wan?" he asked, softly. Without a word, I reached underneath to
unfasten my pants, raising up slightly and allowing him to slide
them off. I was suddenly very glad that I couldn't see his face, my
own was hot with embarrassment and I buried it again in the cool
pillows.
Hands slick with oil returned to my back, massaging away the
returning tension before drifting down to my backside. Qui-Gon did
nothing more than firmly rub the taut muscles there, keeping the
touch impersonal and soothing. By the time he moved on to my legs, I
was again boneless against the linens. When he touched my feet I
almost jerked them away reflexively, stifling a giggle and I felt
Qui-Gon's own suppressed laughter even as he rubbed harder to avoid
tickling.
Finally, he was done, moving up to kneel next to me. I knew what was
coming even before he said it, but I still shivered slightly when he
spoke.
"Roll over."
And I did, exposing myself to him. He didn't stare, didn't even
pause to study me. Instead, his hands went to my chest, calmly
continuing the massage. I watched him for a moment before I again
closed my eyes. It felt...strange, to be naked in front of him while
he was fully clothed. Not exactly bad, but strange. Still, it was
very relaxing and my nervousness drifted away as he continued. In a
few moments I was on the verge of sleep. Until one of his fingers
brushed my nipple.
My eyes flew open at that electric touch and all my nerves jumped to
life as he repeated it, lightly stroking the dark circle with the
tip of one finger, until it peaked, hardened under the touch. My
eyes were locked on his face, watching him watch me, an intent
expression on his face.
A light pinch and those teasing fingers trailed away, across my
chest to toy with the other nipple until it too was hard. Another
pinch and then both his hands were rubbing my stomach, testing the
muscles there as one finger dipped into my navel. I squirmed
slightly, the touch felt strangely intimate and grew more intimate
still as his hands smoothed down my legs then back up, his thumbs
delicately stroking the softer skin of my inner thighs.
I closed my eyes then, unable to watch as one finger touched the
very tip of my erection. I was hard, how could I not be, the
sensuous feel of those hands, the warmth of them burned away any
embarrassment. Qui- Gon's finger traced a path down the length of my
shaft as delicately as if he were caressing a butterfly, not trying
for eroticism only a gentle exploration of unfamiliar territory.
Then a finger and thumb circled my cock and slid back up, still very
lightly, hardly any pressure at all. They paused at the tip, and
then slid back down, still slowly, just the tiniest bit more
pressure. The loose skin at the tip slid downward with those fingers
and the feel of it gliding across the head dragged a gasp from me.
My fingers knotted into the sheets of their own will.
He released me then and my eyes flew open. They drifted closed again
as he moved his hand lower, sifting through the tight curls there
before cupping my balls in one large hand, hefting them gently as if
testing their weight. My hips arched upward slightly before I caught
myself and relaxed back down.
Then that touch retreated and I felt Qui-Gon shift, leaning away
from me. I half-sat up, looking at him. He shivered faintly, once,
the epitome of calm compared to my wild tremblings.
He wet his lips and my eyes caught on the tip of that pink tongue. I
very nearly leaned forward and kissed him and would have if he
hadn't chosen just that moment to speak.
"I believe," he said, clearing his throat, "That it is your turn."
My turn? I felt a smile creep up my face until it became a rather
wicked grin. Oh, yes, it was definitely my turn.
Qui-Gon stripped off his tunic, folding it and setting it near mine
before he stretched out on the bed. I shifted over to give him room
and he settled on his stomach, resting his head on his folded arms.
I studied the broad expanse of his back, the firm muscles, a few
small scars and a larger scar down his shoulder.
Pouring a small amount of oil into my hand, I let it warm for a
moment and then, with a deep breath, I began.
Tense, he was very tense, nervous perhaps? As I was? I rubbed his
shoulders, massaging away the tightness. His skin was very soft,
even to my oiled fingers. Strange how I'd never noticed it before.
Of course, there had been no reason for me to notice or to notice
how very enticing it was.
I swallowed, abruptly more aware of my nakedness than I had been a
moment before and very glad the Qui-Gon was face down on the bed. My
hands had moved on without me and were resting lightly on the
waistband of Qui-Gon's pants. He unfastened them without me having
to say a word, a mirror to my previous actions and I completed it,
sliding his pants down and off before pausing to look at him.
I massaged my way down his body, barely aware that I was doing it.
My awareness was focused on him. On the inordinately large amount of
silky, warm skin that was before me. On the way the oil made his
skin gleam as if he gave off some iridescent light all his own.
I had finished with his feet before I realized it and I cursed
myself mentally for rushing it, because now all that was left was
for him to roll over and for me to.... Ah, well, there was no
escaping it now. And by now I didn't want to.
I had to swallow several times before I could speak and even then,
my voice sounded husky to my ears. "Master, turn over."
He did, not speaking, just exposing himself as I had. Only I didn't
seem to possess my master's self-discipline. I couldn't stop my eyes
from roaming over him. They settled on his groin and I knew they
went wide. Qui-Gon was not a small man, altogether nor in any of his
parts and this part was certainly no exception, that much was
certain.
My curiosity got the best of me and I skipped over a good section of
the massage to settle my hand on Qui-Gon's erection. He gave a
choked gasp, almost flinching away before he caught himself and
stilled. I petted that hardness, gently exploring. I let my other
hand drift down to the heavy sac underneath, cupping it as he had
done, testing the weight, the softness of the skin, the heat.
I was suddenly far more interested than embarrassed. My youthful
explorations were years behind me and none of those sticky fumblings
could hold anything to being here with this man. It aroused
me in a way that I had never expected, especially not with my
master, none of my previous encounters had prepared me for this.
I glanced up at him, abruptly aware that I hadn't really had
permission for this touch and my gaze caught his. His eyes were
impossibly blue, watching me, waiting. Watching. I returned my
attention to his cock, aware of it hardening further, now throbbing
gently under my fingertips.
Again exploring I gently pushed his foreskin back, as he had done to
me, exposing the crimson head that was leaking a thin line of clear
fluid. It pooled at the tip like a thick, liquid jewel and I felt an
overwhelming urge to lick that jewel away, to taste it.
So I did. The taste was both strange and arousing. I'd tasted myself
before on the lips of others, knew the bitter-salt flavor but this
was different, so very different.
Qui-Gon's reaction was most inspiring. He made a choked keening
sound, arched his hips completely off the bed, his fingers digging
into the mattress as if he was struggling to keep from grabbing me.
Perhaps he was. The thought made me shiver, not unpleasantly.
The taste was fading from my mouth. Unwilling to let it go I leaned
down and licked the moist head again, this time swirling my tongue
over it, teasing the slit with the tip of my tongue. I took the
shaft into my mouth, wanting more of that exotic liquor but
Qui-Gon's hands on my shoulders stopped me, pulling me back.
"Wait, wait, Padawan, a moment, please." I opened my mouth to
protest until I saw he was only shifting, moving so that we were
lying on our sides, head to foot. Well, not foot exactly, and all my
protests died unspoken as I realized why he was doing this. So that
he could pleasure me too.
The moist, heated breath on my cock was going to slowly drive me
insane as I forced myself not to move, to wait for him to touch me,
but it was so hard. Very hard in fact. I didn't have to wait long,
the wet heat of his mouth engulfed my cock and I forgot how to
breathe, nearly forgot that I was supposed to be returning the
favor.
It was more difficult than it looked, difficult not to take it too
deep and choke, difficult to run my tongue over the thickness that
was filling my mouth. Difficult to concentrate when someone else's
mouth was on my cock, seeming determined to suck the very life from
me.
I was still coherent enough to notice that Qui-Gon did not seem to
be having any such trouble. Odd that in all our time together I had
never given much thought to his sexual preferences. I wasn't going
to now either, though it was obvious to me that he had at least done
this before.
Difficult it was, but I managed, circling the base with my hand. I
needed very much to share the sweet pleasure that was making my
thighs tremble and my stomach twist and I took that thick cock as
deeply as I could.
Teeth very lightly grazed the shaft of my cock; I gave a muffled
groan at the mingling of pleasure and pain. I repeating the gesture
on him and felt his pleasure translated as a vibrating groan against
my erection.
Qui-Gon pulled back sucked hard on the tip of my cock. I could feel
his tongue run along the soft ridge around the head and the pulse of
pleasure that invaded my nerves at the touch made me shudder,
helplessly. I mimicked him, determined to push him to the same
knife- edge that I was straddling.
Harder, faster now, sucking hard, deeper, I copied his every move,
he -was- my teacher and this lesson was far more pleasurable than
some I had learned. He pulled my cock in very deeply then,
surrounding me with wet, heated pressure as his fingers dug into my
hips, forcing me to thrust inside and I came. Exquisite pleasure
sparked through me and I dimly felt my cock straining, spurting into
his waiting mouth even as I repeated it on him, felt his body go
rigid and my mouth was flooded with the exotic, bitter flavor that I
had tasted earlier.
I held the warm liquid in my mouth a moment, savoring it with
unexpected relish before I swallowed, felt Qui-Gon doing the same
around my softening member.
Pulling back I flopped backwards onto the mattress, struggling to
settle my breathing. I draped one arm over my eyes, blocking out the
light. And Qui-Gon. Forgotten embarrassment was resurfacing and now
I wondered if I could ever look at the man again.
"Obi-Wan?"
Damn. Not even a moment's reprieve. I took shelter in cowardice, not
moving my arm. "Yes, master?"
"You do realize that we will have to do something even
more...intimate... tomorrow?"
That moved my arm quickly and the rest of my body as well. Every
cell within my body considered and unanimously rejected going
through with what he was implying. Making love with a man was a new
enough experience for me, I was not about to have my first
experience with penetration be in front of an audience.
Even as I thought it though I remembered the other options, or more
truthfully the fact that there weren't any other options. For the
first time since this began my lingering discomfort turned into a
trace of fear. Instantly I was pulled into an embrace, embarrassment
forgotten as Qui-Gon held me, soothed me.
"Obi-Wan, don't be afraid, please. We will not do -anything- that
you do not want. I would never hurt you, not for the greatest cause
in the galaxy. Do you understand me?" He pulled back, his eyes
searching my face.
I swallowed, pushing aside the touch of fear and replacing it with
calm. "I understand, Master." I understood that this had to be done,
regardless of my own doubts.
His eyes narrowed, apparently he could still feel my uncertainty,
and he shook me slightly. "Obi-Wan, you don't have anything to be
afraid of. I promise that this will not hurt you." He smiled then,
very faintly, "After all, you'll be inside me."
The next day found me standing on a stool, my arms held straight out
while one of the Royal servants knelt in front of me, adjusting the
length of my robe.
Traditional Hrokian bonding clothes seemed to consist of a long robe
of deep blue made of some kind of shiny, satiny material. And
nothing else. Feet bare, everything under the robe, bare. It was a
rather blatant reminder of what was going to happen very shortly.
Idly, I found my mind drifting back to the day before. After our
little 'practice session', Qui-Gon and I had both returned to our
duties. Now that I knew we could, in fact, do this, I found that I
needed to step back a bit, gain a little distance. My master seemed
to understand and allowed it.
I went back to the gardens and finished my routines, which I flubbed
up spectacularly and Qui-Gon, I assume, finished reading up on the
ceremony. He told me about it at our evening meal and that eased a
few misgivings that I had had.
The ceremony would traditionally have about twelve witnesses, who
would be there only to observe and would do nothing to distract or
interfere. That relieved me more than I'd ever admit. I'd had
horrifying mental images of the King running around us, eagerly
snapping holo-images of the entire ordeal. And let's not get into
what I thought of the Viamcountess.
All in all, the evening felt fairly normal, as if we hadn't spent
the afternoon naked and sucking each other off in Qui-Gon's bedroom.
I seized that feeling of normalcy gratefully. Until that night, when
Qui- Gon insisted that we sleep together in the same bed.
I understood the reasoning behind it. For starters, we were supposed
to be a betrothed couple, sleeping apart might seem odd to our
hosts. And, more to the point, we didn't want to lose what little
intimacy we'd managed to gain today.
I'd slept in the same bed as my master before more times than I
could count and this was the first time I'd felt any apprehension. I
hid it as best as I could, settled into the covers and let Qui-Gon
spoon up behind me. I forced my tenseness to ease away and even
snuggled closer to him, to prove that this did not make me
uncomfortable in the least.
I don't think he was fooled.
But he didn't mention it, simply held me close and quickly fell
asleep. And I slept that night in his arms. What little sleep I'd
gotten anyway. I wonder how he would have reacted if he had known
that my discomfort wasn't from embarrassment or shyness.
I was nervous because I was afraid he would feel my arousal. The
moment the bed had come into my line of vision everything that had
happened that afternoon came flooding back to me. Spending that
night in Qui- Gon's arms was pure torture, my mind insisted on going
back over the afternoon, picking at little details, replaying in
over and over until I had an erection that a Hutt would have been
proud of. Nothing could distract me from it, not meditation
routines, not thinking of old, ugly women, not thinking of the King
of Hroka, naked and dancing. Nothing.
My mind would always sneak back to the afternoon, especially to what
Qui-Gon had said at the end, that I would be inside him. Something
that only the day before I would have considered inconceivable was
now something I was looking forward to, eagerly.
I drifted off a few hours from dawn, only to be awakened just after
sunrise by the King's entourage, who had come to prepare us for the
ceremony.
I had been dragged off by two young men, fed, bathed, and had sweet-
smelling oils massaged into my bare skin. I was beginning to think
that I didn't have much of a capacity for embarrassment left. They'd
also tried to paint my face with some sort of make-up and that I had
adamantly refused, much to their disappointment. I was already
sacrificing what was left of my virtue for the wellbeing of these
people. I wasn't going to surrender my dignity as well.
And now I was here, only a short time from the ceremony and I found
myself strangely nervous. This wasn't real, what was I so worried
about? Probably the fact that I was going to have to perform
sexually in front of an audience, I decided.
My robes were finished, I was ready and shortly thereafter, it
began.
I was led into a darkened room, fairly small, and the scent of some
sort of incense was heavy in the air, something rich and musky. The
room was lit by dozens of candles that threw flickering shadow
images over the wall. And over the people already seated within. Not
many, I counted ten people, all from the King's court, all seated on
thick pillows surrounding a raised pallet of blankets and pillows in
the center of the room.
I was led to stand before it, even as Qui-Gon came in from another
entrance, dressed in his own robe, exactly like mine down to the
line of ties that ran down the front, holding it closed. It swirled
around his bare feet, his hair was loose and hanging softly around
his face, which I was relieved to note was also unadorned by paint.
The king came up to us then, resplendent in his own finery,
declaring himself the representative of The One Who Is, and that he
was here to acknowledge and witness our Bonding.
I hardly heard a word he said. My attention was divided between the
soft nest of blankets next to us, a small bottle of oil tucked
discreetly into one corner, and on the man standing in front of me.
Qui-Gon Jinn, my master, my friend, and all I could think of was
that very soon I was going to be fucking him.
Gentler words didn't seem to fit. This was not an act of love but
one of necessity, just one more thing that we would do for the sake
of a mission and the code that we live by. It was just sex, nothing
more.
So why did the idea excite me so much? So much so that I was nearly
squirming where I stood, my skin seeming strangely sensitized by the
silky material against it. Why did I want this so badly? Was it
perhaps a sense of power that I would have over one who had always
had power over me? I sincerely hoped not. I had to wonder though,
how it was that I hadn't noticed just how beautiful Qui-Gon was
until this time when I was forced to see it. How could I have missed
the sensuous curve of his lips, how very blue his eyes were, eyes
that were locked on mine, holding me prisoner before his quiet
stare. Why hadn't I noticed?
I pushed those thoughts aside. I could meditate on them later. At
this moment I had to concentrate on the now, and on the fact that
the King had stopped speaking and had stepped back, seating himself
on his own pillow and leaving myself and Qui-Gon to stand in front
of the dais, alone.
We looked at each other, not moving for a moment before I took a
deep breath and stepped forward. Qui-Gon did as well, meeting me
halfway and as his head tilted down towards mine, it occurred to me
that we had forgotten some very important details in our little
'practice session', we hadn't even kissed. And then I had no more
time to fret over the lack as Qui-Gon's lips closed over mine.
It was a gentle, seeking kiss, strangely different than kissing a
woman, not as soft, but no less arousing. His beard scraped lightly,
but not unpleasantly and he held me almost chastely, hardly
touching.
I was the one who deepened it, letting my tongue lightly trace his
lips, probing, and he opened his mouth. The tip of his tongue
touched mine and I shivered, the contact was electric. I slid my
tongue past his teeth, into the darker recesses of his mouth,
exploring the velvety lining. His tongue twined with mine, darting
teasingly into my mouth before drawing back so that he could suck my
lower lip gently.
Only the need for oxygen pulled me away, panting heavily from just
that one kiss. I wasn't sure that I was going to survive this. Just
as I would have leaned forward and captured his lips again, my eyes
caught on one of the witnesses, who was watching avidly. Arousal
seeped out of me and I felt my erection wilt. How was I supposed to
do this with these people -staring- at me?
Qui-Gon must have felt how suddenly unnerved I was. He captured my
chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him. He said nothing, only
looked into my eyes, the grip on my chin turned into a caress as his
hand shifted, slid up my cheek. I closed my eyes, leaned into the
touch and I felt him move forward again. Expecting a kiss, I was
startled by the feel of his lips on my ear.
"Don't look at them, Obi-Wan. Just look at me. Concentrate on me,
love, just on me." A part of my brain caught that soft endearment
and whisked it away to a secret place in the back of my head for
safekeeping. And then my thoughts deserted me again when I felt the
tip of his tongue against my ear, lightly tracing its way down the
outer curve before dipping moistly inside, nibbling the soft lobe in
a way that had me shivering.
A stifled cough from the other side of the room, and my eyes flew
towards it. The soft nipping turned into a hard bite and I winced,
returning my attention to the man before me.
He was scattering kisses all over my face, petal soft touches
against my eyes, down my cheeks, my nose. I could feel the heat of
his hands on my shoulders. The barrier of my robe cushioned the
pressure of his fingertips, his hands moved easily over the slick
material.
Again, his lips against mine, harder now, almost bruising pressure.
He forced my mouth open with his tongue, thrusting deeply inside,
insistently. Before I could do more than helplessly respond he was
gone again, his mouth biting a trail down the line of my jaw to my
neck where he was stopped by the collar of my robe.
Without asking permission or even hesitating, he unfastened the
first tie, the one at my throat, pulling the end of the ribbon with
his teeth. The satiny material gaped slightly and he pressed his
face against the newly exposed flesh. I felt him inhale deeply
against my skin, as if he was absorbing my scent, before he moved on
to the next tie.
Eyes closed, I stood there, swaying on my feet as he flicked his
tongue wetly against my skin, pushing the material aside so that he
could reach my nipple. He bit it, hard enough to sting but I had
barely flinched before he was soothing the abused flesh, sucking it
gently, laving it with his tongue until it was a stiff wet peak.
Soft, damp kisses trailed across my chest as he made his way to the
other side, biting harder this time. I whimpered softly before I
could help myself and instantly I was soothed, gentle sweeping licks
teased away the brief flash of pain.
Another tie loosened, this time at my stomach and I dimly realized
that Qui-Gon was on his knees before me. He licking the taut flesh
of my abdomen, traced the lines of the muscles with his tongue. The
last tie fell free, exposing the entire front of my body to him and
to our witnesses, although that seemed to matter a great deal less
as Qui-Gon rubbed his cheek against my erection. The coarse hair
lightly abrading my sensitive flesh had every nerve in my body
prickling. I discovered I had buried my fingers in the length of his
hair only when he captured my wrists to stop my pulling.
Opening my eyes, I looked down at him on his knees before me, my
wrists held loosely in his hands, he looked for all the world like a
pleasure- slave instead of the Jedi master I knew him to be. He was
still rubbing against the stiff length of my cock, like a cat, the
roughness of his beard interspersed with the soft, yielding touch of
his lips. And the caress of his eyes. Even as he touched me, his
eyes were on my face, watching me.
Watching me watch him as he let his tongue run up my hard shaft, the
soft underside of it slid against the head before he deliberately
lapped at the tip, his lips shiny with the fluid that was steadily
weeping from my cock.
I really did sway then, unsteadily, and he caught me, lowered me
backwards until I was sprawled on softness of our prepared bed. He
followed, kneeling between my legs, looking at me silently. Waiting
and after a moment I realized why. I shifted upwards on my elbows,
reaching for the ties of his robe.
My trembling fingers quickly made knots of the slender ribbons and I
was close to breaking the damn things when his hand caught mine,
helping me. His robe was an obstacle not to be borne and it was
discarded far more hastily than mine was. Naked, finally, before me
and now I could touch, taste and I wasted no time doing so.
I pushed him back until he was lying down, spread out in all his
glory and my greedy eyes decided he had plenty of glory to see. His
skin gleamed in the faint candlelight; his chest was lightly dusted
with hair that narrowed into a line at his belly, trailing downward
before it widened into a nest of dark curls. His cock was rising up
from that soft hair, crimson and heavy, engorged with blood. And I
wanted it all.
I shifted so that I was above him, lowering myself slowly and a
groan escaped me as I felt the heat of his flesh against mine. I
heard his breath hiss out from between his teeth as I shifted,
moving so that my cock was pressed against his.
Dipping my head, I tongued at the pliant flesh of his neck, tasting
salt and sweat and perhaps the oils that had been rubbed into our
skin. I sucked hard, leaving a mark on the pale flesh, wanting to
brand him as mine without pausing to consider why. I couldn't
consider anything, not with him arching beneath me, pressing his
cock urgently against my stomach.
"Obi-Wan," he hissed, pushing at me and I went, sensing his
agitation. I stared at him, uncomprehending, his eyes were widely
dilated, only a thin rim of blue around a pool of inky blackness,
his breaths coming in harsh gasps and I couldn't understand why he
was pushing me away when he so obviously wanted more.
I leaned back in, but he persisted, pushing me back even as he
raised his knees. I resurfaced a bit, the fog of desire lifting
enough for comprehension to dawn. Oh yes. Copulation.
I darted a glance upward, at our nearly forgotten audience, my eyes
meeting those of the witness closest to us. The Viamcountess.
I don't know what I expected to see in her eyes, amusement
certainly, boredom perhaps. Nothing could have prepared me for what
I saw. Disbelieving, I opened myself up to the Force, just a bit,
and the emotions that assailed me from these people made me reel.
Not amusement, certainly not boredom, just the certainty that they
were watching something very sacred and very beautiful. And very
arousing, the amount of sheer lust in the room was like a blast of
heat against my skin.
And now, oddly, knowing how they were seeing me, I wanted them to
watch, wanted them to see me with this beautiful man, to see me
claim him. I came back to myself, returning my focus to Qui-Gon and,
looking into his eyes, I knew that he felt the same.
My lifted my hands to rest tentatively on Qui-Gon's knees. Much as I
wanted this, I was still a bit nervous. This was not something I had
done, with a man or a woman. Oh, I knew what to do, in theory, but I
hadn't tested that theory before now.
Evading for just a moment longer, I leaning downward, giving in to
an earlier temptation and following the line of hair down his belly
with my lips, to his erection. I touched my lips to the wet tip,
took the throbbing length into my mouth and felt more than heard the
deep shuddering groan from my master.
"Obi-Wan, please'...I can't'...oh, please," whispered hoarsely and I
pulled back. No more stalling, I knew. We were both pushed to our
limits, our need heightened until it was almost painful. Taking a
deep breath, I tried to calm myself just a bit, reaching over to
pick up the small bottle of oil. My trembling fingers struggled
briefly with the cap and when it popped open I spilled a small
amount onto Qui-Gon's stomach.
He smiled, his lips just barely curving and he slid a hand down his
chest to the small pool of liquid, spreading it over his chest and
stomach, and lower, rubbing his slick hand up his cock. I watched,
the bottle of oil forgotten, mesmerized at the sight of him stroking
himself. The candlelight made his oiled skin gleam with a diffused
glow. He shifted upward, his hand leaving his erection to instead
capture mine, coating it with the slick oil.
I made a noise that was far closer to a squeak than I like to admit
as he touched me, one finger lightly teasing my balls before he
pulled back and lay back down, again waiting, always waiting. For
me. It was a heady thought, as dizzying as a draught of strong
liquor
I shook my head, trying to clear it somewhat. Pouring some of the
oil into the palm of my hand, I used it to coat my fingers, and,
pushing aside any lingering misgivings, I brought them down to the
entrance of his body. The small opening there was tight, resisted my
efforts to penetrate, but I persisted, finally pushing one finger
past the tight, muscled ring. Qui-Gon made a soft sound, arching
upwards and pushing my finger a bit deeper. His wanton display made
blood rush straight to my cock and I throbbed painfully, wanting to
be inside him with a need that bordered on desperation.
But not if it hurt my master. Carefully, I pushed my finger deeper,
willing the muscles there to loosen. Almost as if he'd heard me,
Qui- Gon relaxed, letting my finger slide deeper still. I twisted my
finger slightly, working it in and out until the movement was easy
and smooth.
Withdrawing, I oiled my fingers again, this time pressing two
fingers in and this was a bit harder, I saw Qui-Gon's hands shift to
the loose blankets beneath us, and knot into them. But he didn't
protest, didn't ask me to stop, even tilted his hips up, silently
asking for more. I pushed harder and again, his body opened for me,
resistance easing as I worked at the muscle, waiting for him to
relax, to accept and a handful of heartbeats later he did.
Again I withdrew, more oil and this time I spread it over my cock
until it fairly dripped, slick and wet. I was ready, beyond ready.
All hesitation burned away by need and I tugged on Qui-Gon's hips,
urging him to wrap his legs around my waist. He did it instantly,
and I leaned forward, steadying my cock with my hand, until the tip
was pressed against Qui-Gon's anus.
I almost came right then from the soft pressure and it took every
ounce of control I had left within me not to simple thrust inside.
Instead, I pressed gently, leaning forward. Resistance, and I slid
my hands down to Qui-Gon's hips, holding him as I pressed a little
harder. The muscled ring finally gave, enclosed over just the head
of my cock and I heard Qui-Gon suck in a sharp breath, his face
tight.
Now I knew I was hurting him and I would have pulled back, but he
refused to let me, holding me against him with his legs around my
waist. And so I waited for the tension to leave him and surely not
even the trials could be as difficult as this, to kneel here with
just the very tip of my cock wrapped in tight heat.
Finally, an eternity or a heartbeat later, he relaxed, and I eased
in a bit further, stopping at any hint of pain. I entered him in
careful degrees until finally I was buried inside as deeply as I
could go.
One deep breath, another, oh, I'd never dreamed this, couldn't have
imagined it. It was nothing like being with a woman, this channel
seemed to pull me in, almost painfully tight around me, Force, such
heat, so exquisitely hot and tight.
I pulled back ever so slightly, pushed back in and Qui-Gon moaned,
loudly, obviously not from pain and that uninhibited sound coming
from my controlled master was the most erotic thing I had ever
heard.
Again, in, out, and he clutched at the blankets, tightening his legs
around me and I complied, thrusting in with a bit of force now, a
bit faster. Sweat was sliding down my face, I could feel it dripping
off me as I pulled out, savored the long, languid slide back in. Any
thought that I might be hurting was banished as Qui-Gon clung to me
desperately, arching up into each thrust. Moans had given way to
almost unintelligible words and I closed my eyes, just listening to
the passion-roughened voice below me.
"Yes..yes, oh gods, yes, Force yes, please, Obi-Wan, please, please,
PLEASE!" the last was nearly a shout as I thrust in hard, my hand
capturing his neglected erection, stroking it in time with my
thrusts.
I could feel the swirl of emotions just past my mental shields and I
let them ease down, opening myself up to the Force and felt all the
emotion in the room rush in to fill me, heat, passion. I could feel
the witnesses around us, I could feel Qui-Gon and my pleasure
doubled, tripled. I was lost now, almost ramming into my master as
all my control swirled away from me and into the red tendrils of
Force that I could see in my mind's eye, filling the room like a
mist, centering on me. No, on -us-.
Harder, deeper and if I could have crawled inside him at that moment
I would have. I reveled in the feel of eyes upon me, their eyes, his
eyes.
A sheer force of will opened my eyes and I looked down at my master,
seeing him in this instant as I had never seen him before. His hair
was in a wild disarray, clinging damply to his face and shoulders,
his skin flushed, his hands clenched into fists as his body rocked
slightly backward with every thrust of my hips. And nothing had ever
seemed as beautiful to me as he seemed in that frozen moment of
time.
My climax slammed into me as I slammed into him. A broken scream
tore free from my lips as I poured into him, felt Qui-Gon's hands
grab my arms, digging bruise-deep as his cock strained in my grasp
and he came in a rush of liquid fire over my hand. I pushed as
deeply inside as could, struggling to get deeper still and I
screamed again, helpless in a rush of pure sensation that I couldn't
have controlled even if I had wanted to. It seemed that it would
never end that I would spill all that I was deep inside the haven
around my cock.
And then it was over.
Dazed, I collapsed down into his arms, trembling with the
aftershocks of a completely unexpected storm. I shifted slightly and
my softening cock slid from Qui-Gon's body, we both made a soft
sound at the feeling of it. Qui-Gon held me, gently petting my hair
and when I felt as if I breathe without sobbing, I pulled back, to
see him. And looking in his eyes, I thought I saw something then,
something that I had never thought to see in him, certainly not
directed at me.
I thought I saw fear.
But then he blinked and it was gone, leaving me to wonder if I had
imagined it. I hadn't time to wonder long, Qui-Gon was already
shifting, moving me to kneel before him and gathering our robes. We
did, after all, have a Bonding ceremony to complete.
After the 'copulation' the rest of the ceremony was quite simple. We
both managed to get our robes on with at least a couple of the ties
fastened. When we were somewhat presentable, the king approached us
and announced on behalf of all the witnesses that we were now a
bonded couple.
Then he took a small jar that he had been holding, of some kind of
darkly colored ointment, dipped his finger in it and drew a symbol
on my forehead. I watched, suppressing a shaft of amusement, as
Qui-Gon had to lean down to allow the king to repeat the gesture on
him.
And that was it. The king clapped his hands and all the witnesses
rose, the group of them leading us back to our rooms and ushered us
inside. The door shut softly behind us and we were alone together.
For about ten seconds.
The door had barely clicked shut before Qui-Gon turned away and
walked into the fresher, shutting the door behind him. I heard the
shower start a moment later.
A brief flare of pique went through me that he was so eager to clean
away every trace of me from his skin. It was followed immediately by
horrified shame, what in the hells was I thinking? Of course he
would want to shower, we were both sweaty and sticky. And could I
blame him for wanting to wash away an encounter that neither of us
had exactly wanted?
The enormity of what we had done was slowly sinking in and if I had
thought I had used up my capacity for embarrassment I was sorely
mistaken.
A meal had been laid out for us and I fixed a plate for myself,
sitting down to pick at it. I managed to mangle the food
sufficiently without eating a bite, keeping my mind carefully blank.
I looked up as Qui-Gon walked out of the fresher, toweling his hair
dry.
"You can take a shower now, Obi-Wan." He didn't look at me.
I felt a faint sense of deja vu, had it only been a few days earlier
that he had said something very similar to me? And yet not similar
at all. How was it that after what had just happened his voice could
sound so distant?
I murmured some kind of appropriate response and walked toward the
fresher just as he lowered the towel from his head and left us
abruptly face to face.
He looked just as he had before. There was no outward change, no
additional lines or marks of stress. Nothing but a dark smudge still
on his forehead, left by the ointment and without thinking I reached
up to wipe it away.
He recoiled as if he thought I was going to strike him. Something
twisted in my stomach, a pinprick of hurt, as I watched him catch
himself, forced himself to endure my touch. I quickly wiped away the
stain and turned away, going into the fresher before I caused him
any more pain. I had already caused quite enough damage already,
that much was obvious.
I stood under the spray of hot water, let it pummel away sweat and
tension. It was going to be all right, I chanted silently,
everything was going to be fine. We just needed some time that was
all. The memory was too fresh, too new. Just time and then
everything would go back to normal.
But when I was clean and dry and I walked out into the common room
to find that Qui-Gon had already gone to his bedroom, his door shut,
that pinprick of pain sharpened to a knife blade.
Feeling strangely rejected, I went into my room, sinking onto the
silky sheets and burying my face gratefully into the cool pillows.
Time, I told myself, and then things would return to the way that
they were, the way they were supposed to be.
I spent the rest of the night trying to convince myself that it was
true.
The next morning when I awoke, Qui-Gon was already up and dressed. I
pulled on my own clothes silently, going over to the door. I hung
back in the shadows, watching him as he moved around the room,
gathering up what few things we had brought with us and packing them
away. I remembered belatedly that we were to return to Coruscant
today.
It was just too damn bad that today was one day too late. I blinked,
appalled at the bitterness of that thought. I made myself take a
deep breath, releasing the emotion. Time, I reminded myself.
"Obi-Wan, don't hover in the doorway."
I jumped slightly at the sound of his voice and then grimaced
inwardly. Stupid of me to think he wouldn't notice. With great
reluctance I moved into the room.
"I'm almost finished packing, Obi-Wan," he continued, "And our ship
doesn't leave for several hours yet. You may have the day to
yourself."
It didn't take a force-sensitive to hear the dismissal in his tone
and I snatched up the opportunity gratefully. I all but fled from
the room, pausing at the door to give him a quick bow before I left.
The memories of what had happened yesterday were still too close to
the surface for him as well it would seem. And I desperately needed
a little distance, some time to learn how to deal with this. It had
gone much farther than either of us had meant, I believe, both of us
had gotten carried away by the rush of sex, done things we hadn't
intended.
I was halfway down the hall before a stray thought assaulted me. I
couldn't remember the last time he had called me Padawan. The word
was almost more of an affectionate nickname than a title, truly I
hadn't heard him use my given name as much as he had lately since
before I'd been apprenticed to him.
The twisting pain flared to life again and I ruthlessly pushed it
aside. Time, I repeated doggedly. Everything was going to be fine.
I hoped.
I wandered aimlessly through the palace and found myself in the
gardens. I walked slowly through them, half-heartedly looking for a
place to meditate, although it wasn't meditation that I really
wanted.
I wanted to stop hurting.
And I couldn't forget that this was entirely my fault, that I had
started this. I sighed, rubbing my temples to ward off the headache
that was forming. Could things get any worse?
"Jedi Kenobi?"
I nearly jumped out of my skin at the soft voice behind me. Damn and
damn again, I was going to die of heart failure before my next
birthday if people didn't stop startling me! I turned to see that
the owner of the voice was the Viamcountess.
Had I actually thought things couldn't get worse? I should know
better by now.
"Jedi Kenobi, may I speak with you for a moment?"
I was in no mood to deal with her shenanigans today and I had to
bite back harsh words. Jedi diplomacy and her strange quietness were
all that held me back. I gave her a short nod of assent.
She came directly to the point, "I owe you an apology, Jedi, sir, to
you and your lover both. It was very rude of me to suggest to my
uncle that a bonding ceremony would be a good way to repay you. I
knew that you would both be uncomfortable with it and that you would
have no choice but to allow the ceremony. I apologize for my
actions, then and before." She bowed low to me.
I gaped at her lower head for several seconds, only realizing I was
doing it when she spoke again, her voice sad. "I understand if you
cannot forgive me, I only wanted the opportunity to tell you of my
regrets. Thank you for that." She bowed a fraction lower before
standing straight again and turning to walk away.
I found my voice quickly, "Wait! Wait, your Grace, a moment." She
paused, looking at me warily. I searched desperately for words, "I
don't understand," I said, finally, "Why are you telling me this?
Why did you even ask me to be your consort, you had to know that I
would say no...even if I wasn't betrothed," I added hastily.
She looked down again, seemed to struggle for words. "When the
revolt happened, I..I couldn't believe that such a thing could
occur! We were always so safe here in the castle. And then we were
all going to die and I had never been so afraid in my life." She
looked up at me again and for the first time since our arrival, when
she had started to pester me, I really saw her.
Despite her clothes and attitude, I abruptly realized that she was
actually much younger than I was and surely had less life experience
to fall back on. To tumble suddenly from grace and into your own
impending death would inspire terror in anyone, especially one so
young, less in years than in maturity. I dragged my attention back
to what she was saying.
"And then you came and saved us and I thought...I thought that if
you stayed that you could keep us safe." Her earnestly spoken words
and bright eyes sent a new sensation to churn in my stomach: guilt.
Her eyes lowered again and she twisted her fingers together as she
continued. "And when you refused me I just felt so...so helpless!
And I just wanted to hurt someone. But then, when I watched your
Bonding ceremony and it was so obvious to me how much you loved each
other. I saw then how wrong I was, to take my anger out on you." She
surreptitiously wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "I have witnessed
before but I can truly say that I have never seen such depth of
emotion between a couple. It was most beautiful and I will treasure
the memory of it."
That I could go from feeling ill-used by this woman to feeling like
a jackass in such a short span of time had to be some kind of
record. Hadn't my master warned me not to judge people so harshly? I
had done this woman a great disservice in not looking past the
artifice of her flirting and seeing how truly frightened she really
was.
And aside from that I felt like the worst kind of liar. When my
master and I left this planet, we would be leaving behind the bond
that she admired so. We'd be leaving it all behind. I felt a strange
hollowness in my chest at the thought and I rubbed it absently,
trying to ease the ache. I should have eaten before I took off
wandering.
Bowing low to the young woman, I accepted her apology as best I
could. "I thank you for your honesty, your Grace, let me assure you
that I hold no anger towards you."
She nodded again and smiled, looking twice as beautiful in her
sincerity than she had in the deception of her seduction.
"Thank you for you time, Jedi Kenobi," she responded.
"Obi-Wan. My name is Obi-Wan," I said impulsively and was rewarded
with a brighter smile.
"Obi-Wan," she repeated, "I wish you and your love much happiness."
Another quick bow and she left, disappearing into the gardens.
Whatever else I had lost on this planet, at least I was coming away
with a friend. And at the reminder of losses, I thought again of
leaving this planet and of all that Qui-Gon and I would leave here
with it. Leaving our false bond. Somehow, the thought felt empty.
The three days that it took for us to get to Coruscant were easily
the longest of my life. Instead of things getting better once we
left Hroka, they seemed worse than ever.
Not the Qui-Gon was cruel to me or ignored me. He was, as ever, the
consummate teacher, assigning me lessons, working on the training
exorcises that had been neglected during our mission. He wasn't rude
or snide. He just...was. It was as if all the warmth had been bled
out of him. And I was at a loss as to how I could change that. I was
quickly losing something that I'd never even known I had until it
was taken from me.
When I looked at him and saw no kindness, no gentle humor, none of
those things that were such a part of my master, guilt rose up in me
until I thought I would choke. My doing, all of this and I didn't
know how to change it.
And so I did nothing, concentrating on fulfilling my duties as best
as I possible could. It was only at night, as I lay awake on my
pallet listening to him breath from across the room, that I let
myself think about it, wondering about the stranger who was wearing
my master's face.
Our ship had landed and we were getting ready to disembark when
Qui-Gon finally spoke to me about something other than my lessons.
We were in our shared quarters, gathering the last of our
possessions.
"You can take your things back to your quarters, Obi-Wan. I need to
report to the Council," he said, the same bland, even tone he had
used for the past days.
I'm your Padawan, my mind screamed, why won't you call me that!
All that past my lips was a soft, "Yes, Master."
"Obi-Wan." He hesitated, setting down his satchel and turning to
look at me fully. I saw him struggle briefly with something, the
wall that had formed between us wavered, but his next words slammed
it back in place instantly.
"Obi-Wan, I think it would be best if we were separated for a time.
It would help us to deal better with..." he faltered slightly,
"things."
No. No, no, oh please, no, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean
for this to happen, no, no, nononono...
"Whatever you think is best, Master." I was faintly surprised that
he heard me, my voice had all but died away and I couldn't hear it
over the rush of blood in my ears.
His eyes rested on me for a moment longer before they flicked away.
He looked down as he cleared his throat.
"Yes, well, you needn't worry about your training," he added
hurriedly, "it will do you some good to train with some of the other
masters for a time."
My training, of course, I thought dully, mustn't forget my training.
For the first time in my life, I could have cared less if I ever
trained again. The galaxy was crumbling down around me and all I
could do was stand here and stare at the man who was causing it,
trying to memorize ever line of his face before it was gone.
He hesitated again, raising his eyes to mine and I saw a glimpse of
my master behind the stranger he had become.
"It will be all right, Obi-Wan," he said softly, one hand reaching
up as if to touch me. It dropped back suddenly, as if he had caught
himself and he straightened visibly, picking up his satchel.
"Well then, I need to speak with the Council." He bowed slightly and
I returned it out of reflex more than anything. And then without
another word he walked out the door and he was gone.
Everything that I was holding fell from my hands as darkness wavered
before my eyes. I stumbled backwards until I hit the wall, sliding
down it to the floor. I pulled my knees up, curled into myself as
tightly as I could.
I couldn't breath, I was suffocating and I struggled to pull air
into my lungs. I couldn't hold all this in, hadn't believed that
this kind of pain could even exist.
And it was my fault, all of it, all because of a miserable, foolish
little joke. Gods, how could I have been so stupid, why hadn't I
thought of consequences? With one thoughtless action I'd lost the
most important person in my life.
And I had nothing to blame but my own idiocy. I press my fist
against my mouth, bit it until I tasted the bitterness of blood. I
had to or I else I was going to start screaming and I wasn't sure I
would be able to stop. That faint sense of emptiness was turning
into a gaping void that threatened to consume me.
No.
I lifted my head, pulling my hand away. No, I was not going to let
this happen, I was not going to simply cower here on the cold floor
and let my life be ripped apart. I would find away to make amends
for this. I would.
By strength of will alone I got to my feet, grimacing at the ribbon
of blood trailing down my hand. There had to be a way for me to fix
this and I was going to find it.
No matter what the cost.
A week later I wasn't as sure to my ability to make amends. How was
I to make things right if I couldn't even find Qui-Gon to talk to
him? Apparently, all the masters without a padawan had decided it
was their duty to see to my training and I had gone through so many
exercises that I was still doing them in my dreams.
Today, I'd managed to sneak out of my quarters before another master
with good intentions could capture me for the day.
I had to speak to Qui-Gon. He was still on Coruscant, I could tell
that much through our bond but he was so shielded against me, I
could feel little else. And investigating where he might have gone
on my own had been useless.
I wasn't giving up yet. There was at least one person that I knew
could tell me where my master was. I only hoped that he would speak
to me, especially if he was aware of what had happened.
His face was startled when he opened the door to find me standing at
the threshold, but not upset, thank the Force, considering the hour
of morning. He ushered me inside and sat me down with a cup of tea
before I'd had a chance to do more than bow in greeting.
"Well, then, Padawan Kenobi, what is it that I can do for you?" he
asked, settling in the chair opposite of me with his own cup. I
considered my words carefully. I knew that Master Windu was an old
friend of Qui-Gon's and would surely know where he was hiding away.
But he was also a Council member and I wasn't sure exactly what my
master had told them. Much as I wanted to find Qui-Gon, I didn't to
get him into any trouble.
Almost as if he was reading my thoughts, and there was a decent
chance that he was, he sat his cup down and laid a gentle hand on my
shoulder.
"It's all right, Obi-Wan, you can talk with me about anything," he
said kindly, "If it eases you, nothing that we speak of will leave
this room."
That certainly answered the question of what he knew. I sat there a
moment longer, tea forgotten as I looked for the best way the phrase
my words.
"I need to speak with my Master," I finally blurted out. Well, those
words would do. "I was hoping that perhaps you could tell me where
he is, I've been looking for him..." My voice trailed off at the
look on his face. He looked startled, no, more than that he looked
shocked.
"Do you mean that no one has told you?" I felt a ripple of
uneasiness go through me at his tone.
"Told me what?" I asked warily. I really had a bad feeling about
this.
His expression changed to one of utter sympathy, immeasurable
sadness; the compassion on his face turned my unease into nausea.
No, this could not be good.
"Obi-Wan," he reached over and took one of my suddenly cold hands
into his before very gently saying, "I'm sorry to have to be the one
to tell you. He went into the Tower Gardens yesterday."
Unthinkingly, I shook my head, hardly realizing I was doing it. My
composure was a thin veneer over panic that was welling up from deep
inside, gibbering and screaming just below the surface.
"No," I whispered. It was almost as if I was in a trance. Master
Windu's face blurred before my eyes and I felt strangely detached,
like I was only a watcher in this.
I watched with distant bemusement as Master Windu touched my face
lightly. I felt it as if through a layer of cushioning.
"...I thought he would talk to you...would have told you
myself...this isn't..." I could hear fragments of words making their
way through the distance around me. I could not accept this. It was
impossible.
The Tower Gardens. A place set aside for those who were full Knights
or Masters. A place of calm and serenity. And also a place for those
Jedi who had touched Darkness. Not a place for my master, not for
Qui-Gon.
I'd heard nothing more about them than rumors, stories that children
whispered about. The gardens provided complete solitude for those
who were troubled to meditate and think. And to decide. Many of
those who entered the gardens did not return, preferring to return
their life energy to the Force rather than turn to darkness. It was
a place of last resort.
I was on my feet and walking out of the room before I'd thought
about it, ignoring Master Windu's concerned questions as I left. All
of my manners were burned away in a rush of determination. This, I
was not going to allow, this was -not- going to happen and there was
only one person who could help me now.
"I just need to speak with him," I said patiently, for the hundredth
time. Master Yoda was pacing in front of me, his walking stick
making a fairly annoying clicking sound and I fought the urge to
fidget.
I had told him everything, sparing only the most intimate details.
Master Yoda was silent throughout my entire confession, unreadable.
I'm not sure what exactly my master had told him, if anything. I
desperately hoped that I wasn't making matters worse with this, but
there was no lying to Master Yoda. He would feel it instantly, and
if I wanted his help then I had to offer him the complete truth. As
the Senior Council member, he could allow me to go into the gardens
and speak to Qui-Gon. He was also my last chance.
He stopped pacing, turned to face me and my heart leapt into my
throat, my nerves twanging as I waited for his answer. He studied
me, searching for he only knew what, before finally speaking.
"What is it you think to say, to change his mind?"
"I..." I fell silent, my mind totally blank. I hadn't even thought
about what I was going to say to him. What could I say? For that
matter, did I even have the right?
Yoda tapped his cane on the floor, snapping my attention back to
him. "Insistent you are to see him, Padawan. There is something you
need to tell him, yes?"
I hesitated again, stammering, "I...I just want to talk to him...I
have to...I..." My voice deserted me and all I could do was look at
Master Yoda with a growing sense of despair.
I had no idea what to say to him. All I knew was that I felt an
aching emptiness inside me, a void, where something, someone, should
be. Someone...
Oh.
Oh. Oh, how could I have been so blind! Why had it taken something
like this to open my eyes? How long had I been hiding from this? I
hadn't noticed how beautiful he was, how much I needed him, how he
filled a place inside me. And I certainly hadn't noticed how I...
I looked back at Master Yoda. He was watching me expectantly,
actually smiling faintly and I abruptly realized how neatly he had
trapped me. It might have been amusing under different
circumstances. Now all I felt was an overwhelming sense of
gratitude.
"I have to tell him that I love him," I said softly, finally saying
aloud words that I hadn't even allowed myself to think.
Master Yoda nodded, once. "Enter the gardens, you may."
I followed Master Yoda through the Temple halls, trying to quell my
rising impatience as I matched my pace to his. If I could have, I
would have run ahead and left him to his own devices, but not only
did I not know where the gardens were, I didn't even know where we
were now.
Already Master Yoda had had to stop at several doors and key in his
entry code so that we could pass. I had known that the Temple was
large but I hadn't realized how large until just this moment, when
we walked for what seemed like hours down corridors that I didn't
recognize.
Finally, after an eternity, we stopped at yet another door. It was
unremarkable, to say the least, as plain as the door of my quarters.
But I knew without a doubt that my master was beyond it. I could
feel it in a part of my soul that I had only just begun to
recognize. Master Yoda said not a word. He simply keyed open the
door and then turned to leave. I waited, watching him hobble away
until he was out of sight, before I, with great trepidation, pushed
open the door.
Every expectation that I had ever had of the Tower gardens was swept
away when I took my first step inside. Just the thought of these
gardens was so ominous to me that I imagined some great, dark place
where the souls of the damned came to wail their atonement. Perhaps
a few bones of sentient life-forms thrown around for good measure.
Nothing could have been further from the truth. It was large, that
was certain, but there was no darkness here. Sunlight streamed in
from the ceiling, which was one clear sheet of, perhaps glass? I
could hear running water from somewhere but it was the garden itself
that caught most of my attention.
Never, in all the planets we had visited, had I seen such sheer
beauty as I did in this garden. Not just from the plants, although
their variety certainly added to it. It was a sense of purity that
arose here, so rich in life and light that it was difficult to
believe that darkness could even exist. Never had I felt so close to
the living Force as I did just then, standing just inside the door
of a place I had thought to be made up of ugliness.
Stupid of me and really this stupidity was getting to be something
of a habit. What better place for those touched by darkness than a
place that could make you forget that it existed?
I shook off the giddiness that clung to me from standing here in
this much lifeforce, remembering why I was here. It didn't take so
much as a tendril of Force to find him. He was the only thing in
this garden that was not completely embraced in light.
I walked toward him, carefully, one step at a time, making my way
through the plants, following that beacon of misery. I didn't bother
to disguise my presence. He would have known the moment I stepped
inside the door.
"Why are you here?"
Felt my presence indeed. I followed his voice as much as I followed
my sense of him. "I need to speak with you."
"Obi-Wan, we are supposed to be separated for a time."
This is your idea of being separated for a time?! "I don't
want to be separated from you," I said. Another step. "Master, I..."
"Don't call me that!"
My heart rose into my throat at his words. I knew that there was a
very real possibility that my love for him would not be returned.
That this had all just been a lead up to him finally rejecting me as
his Padawan. But even as much as the thought hurt, ripped new wounds
into my already aching spirit, I knew I had to tell him how I felt.
I had not come this far to just simply slink away in defeat. I'd
been trained far too well for that. A deep breath and another step
closer then, "Why not?"
"I'm not worthy of the title." That stopped me right quickly. Of all
the things he could have said, this was not something I had
anticipated. My voice was almost indignant as I answered him.
"Master, that isn't true."
A laugh then, and I cringed to hear the bitterness in it, a sound I
would never have believed could come from my master. "Truth! What do
you know of truth?" Again, that laugh. The sound of it made my skin
crawl. "Do you really want to hear truth? Let me tell you truth."
His voice changed, sounding as if it were wrapped in silk. "Did you
really think that I could not have found another way to stop that
bonding ceremony? Do you? I didn't even try! The very second the
king suggested it, I nearly leapt at the opportunity! I..."
His bitter laughter seemed to melt away, turning instead to
something like a sob and my whole being ached to hear it. "I told
myself it was for the good of the mission, that we had to go through
with this bonding and then when I read what the ceremony
entailed...I should have stopped it! I should have...but I just...I
wanted..."
Silence, broken by a soft choking sound. Then, so faintly that I had
to strain to hear it, "By the Force, how could I have done that to
you? How could I have used you like that?"
Another step and I saw him then, sitting on the ground in a small
clearing, his knees drawn up and his forehead resting on them. He
looked so small; nothing of the strong disciplined Jedi showed in
him at this moment. He looked like a man, only a man, who had been
broken down by the weight of the universe on his shoulders. And
looking at him, so hurt and lost, I felt such love within. If I had
had any doubts about my feelings they were erased in the wash of
emotion inside me, that it was this -man- that I loved, with every
particle of my being.
"Qui-Gon," I murmured, saw his entire body tense, although he didn't
look at me. "Qui-Gon, I said, louder, sharply and I went to him,
touched his shoulder. He flinched away from me. I dropped to a
crouch next to him, speaking urgently, "Qui-Gon, did -you- really
think that if I hadn't been at least subconsciously agreeable to the
bonding that I would have gone through with it? Without looking for
loopholes of my own?" Even as I said the words, I knew that they
were true.
That got his attention and he raised his head to look at me then and
I ached to see the weariness in his eyes, the shadows beneath them.
I smiled gently, warmly, cupped his cheeks in my palms and relished
the coarse feel of his beard against my palms. And before he could
pull back I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his in a
quick caress.
"My love, I follow you, but not blindly. Have you ever known me to
obey you in something I don't believe in without questioning you?
Have you?"
He shuddered again, closing his eyes. "Don't call me that. Please,"
he begged.
"Why not? You have been everything to me, my teacher, my friend, my
lover. And I love you." I pressed soft kisses over his face, tasted
the salt of tears.
He flung himself away from me then, skittering backwards, crushing
plants beneath him until he was pressed against the base of a large
tree. He stared at me with wild eyes, breathing heavily, his hands
out in front of him as if to ward me off. "Don't -say- that!"
I stood and walked towards him, pushing aside his hands to kneel
before him. I took his face in my hands again, lightly stroked his
temples with my thumbs. "Why not? Is my love for you so wrong then?"
I asked softly.
"No," he whispered hoarsely, "No, not wrong. But I can't..." I
silenced him with my lips, could feel his control slipping, feel the
battle within as he struggled not to respond.
Gently, gently, so as not to startle him away again, I let just the
tip of my tongue tease his lips. I felt him shudder, his hands
moving to my shoulders to push me away. He shook his head, holding
me away from him.
"Obi-Wan, this is wrong. I can't..."
I felt tears of my own burning in my eyes and I blinked hard, trying
to hold them back, but they came anyway, leaving hot trails down my
face. "I'm your Padawan, why won't you call me that anymore?"
His eyes darkened to that impossible shade of blue that I remembered
far too well and that memory sent fresh agony to throb through my
heart. I closed my eyes to block it out, but I saw them anyway,
looking at me through my memories. I felt gentle fingers touch my
cheeks, trying to brush the tears away but more simply fell down
from beneath my closed lids.
"Don't. Obi-Wan...Padawan...don't please...I didn't mean..."
Fresh tears pricked my eyes at the sound of that long-cherished word
leaving his lips. I struggled for air, trying to speak. "You
promised me that you would never hurt me. So why do I feel as if you
are killing me now?"
I heard him draw in a sharp breath and I managed to open my eyes, to
look at him through the crystal shadowing of tears. His hand
trembled against my cheek before curling into a fist, still pressed
against my temple until with an anguished sound he suddenly pulled
me to him, wrapping his arms around me as he clung to me, pressing
desperate kisses to my cheeks, kissing away the tears and the pain.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant to..." he pressed his lips
to mine, cutting off his own words. Kissed me frantically, his
tongue invading my mouth and I let him in, eagerly. My entire body
went hot with a wave of desire so strong that I shook as I jerked
open Qui-Gon's tunic, exposing his chest to my anxious fingers. He
gasped against my mouth, pulling back a bit without releasing me.
"Obi-Wan, not here," whispered against my lips, even as his mouth
trailed down my neck.
"Yes, here!" I insisted. I needed this, needed it to be here, to let
the lightness of this garden to wash away the loss, the aching
emptiness that had plagued me since he'd left. I paused at that
thought, pulled back to look at him uncertainly. "If you don't
want..."
His lips silenced me, his hands as frantic as mine as he stripped me
of my belt and sash before practically ripping off my tunic. I heard
the seams of his tunic strain as I tugged it off, ignored the sound.
He pushed me back on the haphazard pile of our clothing, his mouth
devouring mine. I wrapped my legs around the backs of his, holding
him as close as possible as I arched upward, rubbing my erection
against the hardness that I could feel through the thin barrier of
his trousers.
He was gasping, making soft sounds of pleasure against my lips and
suddenly it wasn't enough, I needed more than this, I needed
everything.
I pushed him back and off of me, ignored his cry of protest. I was
already turning, kneeling in front of him as I fumbled with the
fastenings of my trousers, yanking them down. I heard him go
completely still behind me as he realized the implications of what I
was doing.
Warm hands lightly touched my naked hips. "Obi-Wan, we can't do
this, not here."
Oh yes we could. "Master, I want this, please!" I felt hesitant
kisses along my spine and I groaned, arching backwards, Force knew I
wanted this, I needed it. I wanted him to possess me. I wanted him
to touch me as deeply as I had touched him.
I flashed a look at him from over my shoulder. He was kneeling
behind me, his hands still resting on my hips. "I want you to do
this." He shook his head, but I could feel his hands shaking, his
control slipping. "I need to feel you inside me, Qui-Gon, please!"
A muttered curse and I felt his mouth on my back again, sliding
lower, to the cleft of my ass. What the...oh! Oh, oh, gods, oh
Force, he was kissing me -there- and gods the feeling of it! His
tongue slid wetly against my anus, circling it before sliding lower,
lapping gently at my balls before moving back up. I'd never imagined
this, this feeling, the scrape of his beard against my ass as he wet
the entrance of my body generously.
One of his hands slid down from my hip to my cock, I arched against
it but all he did was stroke his fingers against the tip, slicking
them with the fluid that was leaking there before pulling back. I
felt the pressure against my anus as he pushed one finger inside me,
stretching me, opening me and I pressed against it, willing my body
to relax, to accept. That single digit worked its way in and out of
my body and it wasn't enough! I whimpered my frustration as one
finger became two. I wanted more than his fingers, couldn't
understand why he wasn't inside me already.
Finally, finally, I felt the press of something much larger
stretching me open, the wet tip of his cock pushing against me.
Hard, harder until I felt my muscles give and allow a tiny bit of
access. My breath hissed out of me from the pain of his entry. It
burned, the stretching of a virgin passage, but I also understood,
then, why Qui-Gon hadn't let me stop during our bonding. It hurt,
but I wanted it anyway, wanted that strange mixture of pain and
ecstasy as he pressed deeper. His hands gripped my hips hard,
holding me still even as I had been unaware that I was moving, my
hips arching against him, trying to force him deeper.
Stilted thrusts inside me, as he edged his way deeper, deeper still,
until I could feel the heat of his stomach on my backside. I heard
him groan, a deep sound of utter pleasure, and he leaned forward to
press his forehead against my back.
Motionless, we knelt there, surrounded by the light of the garden
and as he pulled away and gently thrust back inside me I felt
something else as well, the light of -him- of Qui-Gon, of my master,
as he loved me. Loved. Words that he hadn't spoken seemed to be
totally unnecessary now as he moved inside me and opened himself to
me, his mental shields falling away like rustling leaves, inviting
me inside.
And I went, engulfed myself in the his presence, which I had been
denied this past week. It was like the bonding ceremony and nothing
like it. I didn't just sense his pleasure, I felt it. Felt how
excruciatingly tight my body was, bordering on painful as he thrust
inside, felt our hands dig into my hips. Knew he was feeling the
vague burn of pain inside me as he pushed harder and deeper still
and he knew that the pleasure I felt made the pain seem a galaxy
away.
Harder now, almost slamming inside me, his grip on my hips pulling
me back against him as our control was dragged away in the sweet
roil of pleasure that was boiling up inside us. I managed to drag
one of my hands down to my erection, rubbing in time to the thrust
inside me. He stopped suddenly, hesitating, pulled back and thrust
in -hard- and I felt his entire body shaking as he came, his moans
of pleasure almost yells and the flood of his orgasm swept over my
senses, forcing my own climax and I dimly heard someone screaming. I
only just had the time to realize it was me before it surged again
and we were both screaming, ripples of pleasure echoing back and
forth between us.
My knees gave out and we both sprawled in the soft grass that made
up the floor of the garden. Qui-Gon made as if to move and I made a
soft sound of protest, wanting his weight against me for just a bit
longer. He complied, sagging back downward and we both lay there,
panting harshly until my body demanded that we move. He shifted off
of me and I turned over, wincing at the discomfort of muscles
unaccustomed to such exercise.
My master had flopped on his back, an arm slung over his eyes as his
breathing evened out. A bubble of laughter escaped me at the sight
of us, both of us with our boots still on and our trousers bunched
around our knees. Qui-Gon peeked at me from under his arm, one
eyebrow arched as if he was vaguely curious about the state of my
sanity and I lost it completely.
I collapsed on my back, howling with laughter as the stress of the
last week finally melted away. I watched, still giggling helplessly
as Qui-Gon shifted to his knees, tugged up his pants before crawling
over to me and silencing my laughter with warm kisses and silent
promises of love.
The meditation gardens were not as beautiful as the Tower gardens,
although they certainly exuded their own brand of lightness. And it
seemed more so today, especially to me, with a few dozen Jedi, from
padawans to masters, watching us with indulgent smiles.
Nervous didn't even begin to describe how I felt. I was practically
shaking by the time it began. But the moment he took my hands in his
the uneasiness melted away and I smiled up at him.
I hardly heard what Master Mace said to us. All my attention was
focused on the man before me, dressed neatly in the traditional
white tunic and trousers, as was I. His hair was loose and hanging
around his face. Just how I'd asked him to wear it, a touch of
reminiscence. And his eyes, those eyes of the most impossible shade
of blue were looking at nothing but me.
"You are now a Bonded couple. You may embrace." It took a moment for
Master Windu's words to register to me, long enough for my master to
press a fairly chaste kiss against my lips. That light pressure
helped me to recover my senses, enough that I managed to grab him
and give him a real kiss. His lips parted as he surrendered to me
and I vaguely felt the amusement of those around us. The rest of my
senses were totally taken up with him. Qui-Gon.
He pulled back slightly, rested his cheek against mine. I felt his
breath, warm and moist, against my ear.
"I do love you, Obi-Wan Kenobi." Whispered, very softly and then he
kissed me again, ignoring the swelling amusement of our guests.
And I love you. I let my tongue lightly touch his before he
pulled back and we turned, a newly Bonded couple, to face our
friends, our family. Qui-Gon was half a pace behind me, his hand
resting lightly on my back.
"And just so you know, I actually thought it was a pretty good
joke." Murmured very softly and I whirled, gave him a suspicious
look. His expression was utterly innocent as he smiled out at our
guests, not looking at me.
I sighed inwardly. My sense of humor had gotten us into enough
trouble without adding in his, even though I certainly couldn't
complain about the outcome. Still, I thought, as I kissed my newly
bonded mate again, just because I could. We did have the rest of our
lives to deal with it. I was quite sure that we could find some more
trouble to get into, somewhere. But not too soon.
-finis-
Comments and questions to:
mailto:keelywolfe@gmail.com
Back
|