FAQ

Table of Contents:
About the Authors
Answers to common polite requests
Our position on domestic violence
Our position on RPS
The Shut Up Series: past and future
the Drinking Games series
Miscellaneous information
Answers to complaints and common impolite requests
the Drinking Games series

  1. Who the hell are you people? Vivianedesblanc and Nienor are a crime-fighting duo who live together in a loft apartment and must hide our secret powers from the hostile outside world while trying not to rip one another apart due to stress from the tensions of our overtly dramatized homoerotic-lust-in-denial.

  2. Can I archive your stories on my site? No, but you may link to this website. Please do not take copies of story text and place them on your server.

  3. Can I recommend your stories? Most certainly. We would be honored.

  4. Can I have your babies? This might prove to be a difficult proposition, as Vivi is happily married and Nienor is sterile.

  5. Do you want feedback? Hell, yes. Please, and thank you.

  6. Who the hell helps you out with British information on the extremely rare occasions when you don't fuck up completely? That would be Graculus, our beloved football consultant. Though she uses entirely too many of the letter U and entirely too few of the letter Z, we have found that she gives uniform satisfaction.

  7. Can I come live in your universe? Well, yes, but it won't be easy to get here. To quote that great rock and roll artist Mojo Nixon:

    Lemme tell you whatcha gotta do.
    Turn right at the light.
    Go past the trailer parks.
    Stand naked, singing, in the blazing sunlight of liberty.
    You gotta sing! You gotta sing!
  8. What the FUCK is the matter with you, making Viggo hit Elijah?! Do you sick fucks think that's SEXY?!!!? We are completely aware of, and sensitive to the grave seriousness of, issues and patterns of domestic violence. However, while a pattern begins with one incident, one incident does not necessarily make a pattern. We firmly believe that should a pattern become established, the victim should leave the relationship immediately. The violent portion of the story is not intended to be sexually titillating, nor do we find it so. The remainder of the story uses sex as a means for re-establishing the relationship's equilibrium because that is the type of intimacy Viggo and Elijah are comfortable with, and accustomed to, sharing. It is our custom to push the envelope in this series and to examine unusual relationship dynamics. We request that you please suspend your judgments until you have finished reading the arc and this issue has been resolved.

  9. You RPS freaks are the root of all evil and are causing the disintegration of fandom as we once knew it in all its pristine and unsullied perfection!!!!!!!! Yeah, whatever. Thank you, drive through.

  10. How the HELL can you invade the poor innocent actors' private lives in this callous, disrespectful manner?! We believe that we avoid disrespect by disclaiming that what we write is 100% totally fictitious and by preserving the knowledge of the difference between fantasy and reality firmly in our minds. We make no insistence that we have captured the actual actors' personalities, and we make no insistence that the actors' personal lives be interpreted according to the events and conditions in our fiction.

  11. You perverted freaks don't REALLY think Viggo/Elijah/Orli are gay, DO YOU? Well, if they want to be, more power to them. If you're asking whether we would wail, gnash our teeth, and possibly even rip out our wrists in despair with our prominent fangs if someone conclusively proved they weren't... no. Personally, we don't give a rat's ass whether they're gay or not, and we are not likely to believe any anonymous netizen who tells us to watch for secret hand signals or color codes that prove they are.

  12. You perverted freaks don't really think Viggo/Elijah/Orli would act like that even if they WERE gay, DO YOU? Just for one example, given that Viggo is a dyed-in-the-wool peacenik, certainly not. But damn. Wouldn't it be hot if he did?

  13. How did you get started writing the Shut Up Series? Vivi had some lines of humorous dialog saved on her hard drive which had been lying there untouched for about a year. She tossed them up in AIM to show to Nienor. Nienor answered with more humorous dialog. And lo, the monster was born. We had no plans to begin collaborating, but the series took on a life of its own and dragged us along with it kicking and screaming. Until we realized it was fun; then it merely dragged us along.

  14. Are you going to write more of the Shut Up Series? At this point, 3/27/03, it seems highly likely. Check back for future updates/alterations to this answer.

  15. After you finally say you've finished the Shut Up Series, does that mean you will do sequels if I ask? No. It does not. When we say we have finished, it will be because the creative well has run dry and that universe has exhausted its potential in our minds and in our sphere of interest and we have reached the limits of our ability to push things to an exciting and titillating limit without actually winding up writing snuff porn, which is where we have agreed to draw the line. After we declare it ended, there will be no sequels. Unless there are.

  16. Will you write Dom and Billy into the Shut Up multiple, please? No, sorry. Vivi isn't interested in slashing Dom and Nienor isn't interested in slashing Billy.

  17. You aren't gonna write SIR IAN in, are you?!??!! His muse has proved too persistent to be resisted. Alas, Nienor caved, and dragged Vivi down with her, and he smote our ruin upon the mountainside!

  18. How about Karl Urban, Bernard Hill, David Wenham...? At present, we have no plans to add any further actors to the multiple, not even in temporary cameo smut roles.

  19. Does Lij really like pain? We have no idea.

  20. Are clove cigarettes healthy? No. they make your lungs bleed.

  21. Boxers or briefs? Regimental.

  22. Who do you like best, Viggo, Orli, Sean or Elijah? Yes.

  23. What the fuck did you slow down on Shut Up and start writing this fluffy Drinking Games crap for?! The intensity of Shut Up proved to be tiring over the long run, so we turn to this for brief periods of refreshing lighthearted fun.

  24. Are you gonna quit writing Shut Up and just write this? Not in the foreseeable future.

  25. Is Drinking Games ever going to turn kinky or angsty? We have no definite answer for that question at this time. We will have a definitive answer for that question if/when the series ever decides to manifest in a kinky or angsty installment. At that point the answer will be yes. At this point the answer is "We don't know."

  26. You expect me to believe you're making this stuff up as you go along?! Yes.

  27. Will any of the other actors appear in Drinking Games? Probably not.

  28. You know, not all of your titles for Drinking Games are the names of drinking games. AUGH!!! WHY MUST YOU EXPECT PERFECTION FROM US!? Also, a petty consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.

  29. Where can I register a formal complaint?! The name of our ombudsman is Helen Waite. If you have a complaint, please go to Helen Waite.

  30. You two are sick, fucking, disgusting pornographers! Thank you.

  31. Hey, you idiots, your Orlando has a foreskin! Don't you know he's JEWISH? Jeebus. Can't you do your friggin' research? Multiple choice (choose the best answer):
    A. Because the moial missed.
    B. Because this is an alternate universe in which the bar mitzvah doesn't happen until the man is 30
    C. Because we think uncircumcised men are hot.
    D. Because we didn't know he was Jewish. How dare he be British AND Jewish?! He's messing us up. Bastard.
    E. Well, hell! Why didn't anyone tell us way back in Trio?! It didn't just spontaneously generate in Quartet....
    F. Because he was struck with radiation, and his superpower was growing back his foreskin.
    G. Because if he's orthodox and practicing, then he wouldn't have all those tattoos.
    H. Because we fucked up.

  32. You haven't done ANY of your research! What about Orli's girlfriend? Viggo's kid? Sean Bean's divorce? Elijah's painful bunion problem?! As mentioned earlier, we aren't interested in invading privacy or fully assuming the private lives of the actors into our RPS. We are also not enamored of spending hours of time doing research. If you want minutely researched fictions that know Elijah had kippered herring for breakfast on the morning of May 2, 1999, then alas, you must seek elsewhere.

  33. I didn't like one or more of the episodes in this series! Get off your asses and rewrite it for me! We subject our episodes to a rigorous quality-control testing process involving the critical scientific measurement of smegma-production in trained monkeys who are subjected to the text in question. Trained monkeys are never wrong. When one has produced sufficient smegma to slide off its seat, we know we are ready to publish. If you do not share the opinion of our trained monkeys, you are perfectly welcome to write the sort of things you like for yourself.

  34. Who the hell wrote this obnoxious FAQ, anyway? Nienor. Vivi is 99% blameless. Nienor is the victim of a clinically warped and toxically dry sense of humor which embraced the formative influence of Berkeley Breathed in its early years and went downhill from there, most recently finding its ecstatic nadir in the comedy stylings of Beavis and Butthead.

  35. Is this damned FAQ ever going to end?!!!?? Your wish is my command.

-finis-

Email comments to mailto:vivianedesblanc@gmail.com

LAST REVISED 03/04/03