Experiments In Human Nature

by Keelywolfe

As far as road trips went, this was easily the weirdest one Sam had been on. Okay, so it wasn't precisely a road trip since trip implied that he'd eventually be returning home and since home was probably going to be overrun by pissed off Decepticons, it wasn't exactly high on his list of places to be right now.

They'd left his house in the early afternoon, trailing behind Ratchet like an ambulance chaser. Optimus had met up with them just outside of the city, along with two other Autobots that Sam had yet to meet, twin Dodge Vipers that differed only in color. It had startled him a little to see them; he'd known that other Autobots had arrived on Earth in the past few months but he hadn't had a chance to meet any of them yet. It seemed like introductions would be waiting a little longer because they never even stopped, only moved into a something like the weirdest caravan ever.

Bumblebee had been silent for most of the trip, occasionally inquiring into Sam's comfort with regards to food or bathroom breaks, all of which he anticipated so uncannily that it was starting to creep Sam out a little. It was one thing to know when he was getting hungry but he didn't know if he liked the idea of Bee keeping track of every time he needed to take a piss.

The light outside was starting to dim and Sam was nearly asleep, drowsing with the humming motion of the car before it changed, tires crunching on something rougher than asphalt. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and blinking as they drove past an enormous chain link fence. He was startled to see men in uniform sitting in a small, windowed building, waving them past the gate.

"What's with the uniforms?" Sam asked, uneasily. His voice was rusty with sleep and he cleared his throat, wishing for something to drink.

"There is still bottled water in the backseat," Bumblebee said, and that creep out factor edged up a little more. "And if by uniforms you mean the guards, they are there to keep any other humans out."

"Is that what the fence is for, too?" Sam asked, feeling unreasonable angry at his own people. They'd given the Autobots a home but what kind of home was it?

"Do you really think a simple fence would hold us in?"

Okay, he couldn't argue with that. From their position behind Optimus, Sam couldn't exactly get a good view but he could see enough to know there were lights coming in from out of the darkness ahead. The dirt road wound its way over a hill, another, and then when he saw what was looming in front of them, Sam couldn't hold back a gasp.

It was incredible. Tall, gleaming towers of metal and the enormous saucers of satellite dishes dotted the landscape in an area the size of a city. He could see other vehicles moving in the distance as well as robots, Autobots that had arrived while he had been busy with graduating from high school. So many of them, interspersed with the occasional human, all working intently on the strange metropolis before them.

"The city of tomorrow," Sam murmured.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," he said, a little louder. "So this is what you guys have been up to?"

"Yes. Of course, it isn't comparable to Cybertron but..."

"I'm sure that not much would be," Sam finished. He couldn't stop staring as they drove past towers that were as tall as skyscrapers, Autobots that he didn't know waving at them and soldiers stopping in their tracks to salute.

What the hell had he gotten himself into here?

Optimus finally came to a stop outside a low slung building, human sized doors visible in the side. Sam climbed out of the passenger seat and the Autobots resumed their robot form, all of them standing in a semi-circle around him except Bumblebee who stayed on the ground, sitting behind him.

"Sam Witwicky," Optimus said, his voice modulator low and grave. "Welcome to Autobot City."

"Imaginative name," Sam murmured and Bumblebee's low chuckle told him he'd been heard.

"We cannot give your human home back to you," Optimus continued, "But we Autobots owe you a great debt, as does your own kind. We will do for you what we can."

The Autobot that had been a yellow Viper said something that Sam didn't understand, laughing in a way that sounded like a cross between static and a wookie growl. Whatever it was, Sam guessed it hadn't been a welcoming speech because the red Viper Autobot slapped him so hard on the back of the head that his optics flickered. An argument started between them in that staticky language until Optimus swung around to look at them and they fell abruptly silent.

"That's Sunstreaker and his twin brother, Sideswipe," Bee murmured, "I'll introduce you to Sideswipe later." There was a very light touch on Sam's back, a single robotic finger resting against him.

"Thank you," Sam called up to Optimus. "So, what's with all the soldiers hanging around here?"

"We understand our place in your world, Sam," Optimus said, his deep voice calm and sad. "It was not our intention to bring danger to your kind and yet we have. We do not begrudge your government their place here. They have treated us with great respect and we are working at integrating our technologies." There was pride in his voice.

"And if their own kind is here with us, they are less likely to blow us all up," Sunstreaker muttered and Sam's instant dislike of him went up another notch.

"We can discuss all of this later," Optimus said, his tone sharp and Sunstreaker stepped back, his expression sullen to Sam's eyes. "These will be your temporary quarters, Sam, until we can make you something more suitable. I'm sure you'd like some rest after your long trip."

A gesture and all of the Autobots but Bumblebee fell back, moving on into the city. Ratchet gave Bumblebee an odd look before he transformed and drove off, leaving them alone. When Sam turned to face him, Bumblebee gave him what passed for his smile, the expression on his robotic face oddly comforting.

Sam hitched his backpack over his shoulder. He was pretty tired, but there were a few things he needed to know first. "So if I'm staying here, where do you go?"

"For now, I'll be parked right here. Optimus is the in process of creating quarters that will accommodate us both. I can hardly be an effective guardian if I am housed half a city away from you."

"Right." Sure, that's the only reason Bee wanted to be close. The unfamiliar soreness the Sam felt every time he sat down had nothing to do with it, he was sure. One more thing, though, for tonight, then bed. Hopefully to sleep. "What did Sunstreaker say earlier?"

Bumblebee was quiet for so long that Sam didn't think he'd answer, so he stood there stubbornly at the door, waiting. Finally, in a low voice, "He asked if you were the little pet I was spending so much time with."

Sam rolled his eyes. "So, he's pretty much an asshole is what you're saying."

"Yes," Bee agreed, his expression promising some kind of retribution.

"Well, he's taller than the other assholes I've known, but that's about all he has going for him." It wasn't like he hadn't already known his share of them. A yawn surprised him, reminding him that it really had been a long day. "I really am tired, Bee. I'll see you in the morning, all right?"

"Good night, Sam." Another very gentle touch from a finger that was as large as one of his arms and the Bumblebee stepped back to transform, his car form settling itself in front of the building for the night.

Sam pushed open the surprisingly heavy door to his new, temporary home and had his first look at it. It was bigger than his bedroom at home...at the house, he corrected himself. But barren, only a bed and a desk to occupy the room leaving swathes of empty space. It would be all right, he told himself, tossing his backpack in a corner and toeing off his shoes. The feds would have all of his things here soon enough and Bumblebee was right outside. It would all be just fine. He lay down on the unfamiliar bed that smelled of a strange detergent and fell asleep almost instantly.

~*~

It was the hands that he loved. Large, warm hands that touched him, cupped him in places where only a pathetically small amount of people had touched, one being himself and one...not exactly being a person. Sam couldn't care about it even a tiny bit at the moment, dark, wet heat surrounding his cock and he pushed up into it, again and again, whimpering with the pure bliss of it and he wanted it to never end, never, never, never...

"Hurmp?" Sam mumbled, blinking a little in the dimness, already half deciding whether to just find an old t-shirt to clean off with or to go for broke and just change the sheets, and Christ, what a dream that was, way past wet dream and on its way to soaking and...

"You really can sleep through anything."

Later, Sam would be grateful that his room had excellent soundproofing so that all the soldier boys didn't get treated to the sound of him shrieking like a girl. At this particular moment though, he was pretty much concentrating on not letting his heart come shooting straight out of his chest. Bumblebee's hologram was crouching over him, his hands on either side of Sam's hips. His eyes glowed faintly in the dark room, like a cat's.

"Jesus, do you have to scare me every time you come into my room?" he blurted out. Realizing he had the blanket clutched over him like a virgin in a thirties movie, he tossed it aside in disgust. And found that he was completely naked, which he was really sure he would have remembered doing before he fell asleep.

"Did you sneak into my room and strip me?" Sam asked, disbelieving. This was several levels higher in weird than he really thought he could deal with at ass o'clock in the morning after his entire reality had changed.

"No, Ironhide did it. He's shown a great deal of curiosity in the human form lately and I was sure you wouldn't mind." He said it so blandly, not even blinking, that for one speechless moment Sam very nearly believed him. His heart made a renewed attempt at vacating his chest cavity and then Bee grinned at him, slithering up the bed in a move entirely too graceful for an actual human and settling himself so he was nose to nose with Sam.

"You're very gullible when you are sleepy," Bee told him, kissing the tip of his nose.

"You...you're...I can't think like this," Sam wailed, squirming as Bee nuzzled gently as his neck. The faint abrasiveness of beard stubble rubbed lightly against his cheek and he startled to realize that Bumblebee must have added that to his hologram. Christ, he was dedicated to the illusion and, oh, dear God, he had to be cheating too because the things he was doing to Sam's ear with his tongue just had to be a physical impossibility for a real human tongue.

"Beautiful." Breathed against his ear and it made him blush, made him squirm more as Bee settled more of his weight on top of him, holding Sam down.

"What are you doing to me," Sam groaned.

The soft laughter was hardly more than a puff of air. "I would have thought that would be self-evident."

"Yes..." Sam agreed mindlessly and he was almost lost in it, almost ready to just lay back and take every tiny thing Bumblebee would give him greedily but his brain chose that moment to finally snap awake and Sam sat up so hard that he hit his head on Bumblebee's nose.

"Ow!!" A mutual exclamation of pain and irritation came between them, with each of them rubbing the offended portion of their anatomy.

"What was that for?" Bumblebee complained, the sound muffled as he massaged the bridge of his nose.

"What do you think you're doing in here?!" Sam hissed, scrubbing viciously at his own pained head. "We're on a base filled with military personnel!"

"I fail to see how this is any concern of theirs," Bee sniffed. "If they want to have sex, they will need to do it in their own quarters."

"I'm sure they would, but not with each other! The military tends to frown on guys having sex with other guys, get it?"

From Bumblebee's grouchy expression, he was guessing not. "I am not a 'guy'. I'm an Autobot."

"I'm pretty sure that in this state you qualify as a guy, okay? Just..." Sam blinked, considering. "Why do you look like that, anyway? If it's a solid hologram thingie," Sam flapped a hand in a 'whatever it is' sort of way in Bee's direction. "Couldn't it be anything you wanted?"

"Yes." Bumblebee didn't look particularly happy about sharing that information, which mystified Sam. "Would you prefer something like this?" The light around Bee wavered in that weird Star Trekking way and instead there was a woman straddling his thighs, her blonde hair long enough to tickle Sam's hips and the soft swell of her breasts visible over the low neck of her tank top. She was gorgeous, no question of that, but Sam felt a little uncomfortable looking at her, her green eyes watching him silently.

"Or perhaps this?" Again, that shimmer of light and this time it was dark hair and eyes, a wealth of gorgeous, deeply tanned skin available for touching as she hovered over him in shorts so tiny they were practically panties and her breasts pushing gently against his chest as she leaned down to kiss him.

Sam flinched, barely aware of doing so. "Turn back. Please, just...come back."

A flicker and it was the Bee that Sam had come to know the past few days, tousled blond hair and soft green eyes but unmistakably masculine. He slipped off of Sam to sit on the side of the bed, pulling his denim-clad knees up to his chin. "I could be anything you want me to be, Sam."

Once upon a time, Sam might have imagined he wanted to hear someone say those words and that having a sexual magic genie would have been his every wet dream come true. Now he felt just a little sick, looking into Bumblebee's oddly forlorn eyes.

"What about what you want?"

Bumblebee blinked. "What do you mean?"

Sam was beginning to understand the old cliché about tearing your hair out because he was about to get a double handful of his own. "What about you? When do you get what you want?"

"I want you, Sam." Simply, quietly.

"And if you could be anything, why choose this?"

He looked down at himself, patting his chest lightly. "Because this would be my equivalent if I was human."

"Equivalent...you mean, if you were human this is how you would look?"

"Yes, of course. Why else would appear like this?" Bumblebee asked, amused.

"But--" Sam stared. "You're my age."

"Of course. This would be my perceived age if I were human."

"You're a teenager??"

"Not as you define years, no, being that I am over a thousand human years old. But my perceived age amongst the Autobots would be similar to yours." He grinned, eyes shining with humor. "Compare it to how humans consider 'dog years'."

"But..." He couldn't seem to get over the shock. "How can you be seen as a teenager, you have so much information, you just..." Words were failing him. Bumblebee was the Autobot version of a teenager...it was too bizarre to accept so easily. He'd just been getting used to the fact that he was attracted to older robots and now Bumblebee was rewriting the script on him.

"Sam, you could memorize a library if you truly wished, but it wouldn't change your life experience." He looked concerned. "You seem very surprised. I thought you realized."

"Of course I didn't...I mean, you're a giant robot! How am I supposed to know how old you're supposed to be, it's not like you came with an instruction manual!"

"If I had, you wouldn't have been able to read it, anyway."

"So you're a teenager. And a guy."

Bumblebee hesitated, considering. "That is more difficult. We did not have any conception of gender before we encountered other species who did."

"Yeah, I guess you guys aren't really up to making baby robots."

Amused. "Not like you'd think of it, no. I'm quite sure that we'll be happy to continue avoiding pregnancy. There were a few Autobots who identified as female, but I haven't seen any of them in some time. Most identified with the male gender and when it is necessary, that is the gender we assume. "

"Some of them decided to be girls. But not you."

"Do I seem female to you?"

Sam snorted. "No."

"As fascinating as this conversation is," Bumblebee said, leaning forward on his hands to crawl over Sam again, "I would hate to deprive you of your sleep for any longer than necessary."

Sam snorted, half-tempted to push Bumblebee off the bed and into his holographic ass. And might have if his mouth hadn't been doing obscene things to his ear again. "Is that the Cybertronian way of saying put out and shut up?" Sam muttered, still not quite sure about doing this on a place with dozens of guys with military uniforms and large guns milling around.

"Yes," Bumblebee whispered into his ear. "But I believe that the reciprocation of pleasure received is a human trait."

"What?"

"One of us hasn't had an orgasm tonight, and it isn't you." Impatient humor in his voice and Sam realized that Bumblebee was rubbing his cock against Sam's thigh. His very hard, very insistent cock which had probably been that way during the entire Sam's Inquisition.

"Oh, I..." Sam very nearly apologized, even though he hadn't exactly invited Bumblebee over for a late night handjob. But then exactly what had he been expecting? He'd been the one who kissed Bumblebee first; he had been the one who hadn't protested when Bumblebee had more or less seduced him in his own bedroom. He was sleeping with someone who got their human etiquette from the internet, for pity's sake. It stood to reason that he'd believe a little sex would be an invitation for more.

I want you, Sam.

Bumblebee's softly spoken words echoed in the back of his thoughts, even as he turned his head into Bumblebee's kisses, biting, teasing little touches that made his one-orgasm-ahead body twitch in the best ways. He pushed his thoughts aside, way too deep and confusing for being in the midst of sex with a decided lack of sleep. Instead, he found the hem of Bumblebee's t-shirt and pulled it over his head, running his hands down the newly exposed skin. He barely notice that the shirt ceased to exist the moment it stopped touching Bumblebee's body, dimly amused at his own easy acceptance of the weirdness of interspecies sex.

"God, I want you," Sam murmured against Bee's neck and a soft moan seemed to echo the sentiment. Even knowing the skin beneath his hands wasn't entirely real didn't matter. It was all strange and new, and not just because he was making out with a sort-of guy. The taste of Bumblebee's skin wasn't anything that he expected with a human, no faint taste of salt to his sweat and his scent was only clean and sweet, even lower when Sam squirmed past Bee's protesting hands to lick at his navel, nosing at the fly to Bumblebee's jeans.

"Sam, you don't--"

"I know," Sam whispered, blowing softly on the light dusting of hair that trailed beneath the denim. He felt Bumblebee shudder, the tiny tremors in his thighs and Sam undid his pants and pushed them down, and geez, was this really the first time he'd really seen Bumblebee naked? A few glances here and there hardly seemed a good comparison to what he was seeing now. Even with his pants tangled around his ankles, he looked...enticing, Sam decided. His cock was hard and laying against his belly, flushed with color and when Sam touched it lightly, he felt aching heat radiating from it. Wherever Bee had gotten his information on the human form, he'd followed it perfectly.

"You make a really good human, you know that?"

A short bark of laughter, almost pained. "I had an excellent model." As if to make a point, he reached out with one hand and managed to run a finger lightly down Sam's chest.

Sam considered that, warm heat flushing his cheeks. Well, of course he should have figured that Bumblebee had taken information from him. It wasn't like he could find the Wiki page on how to build your own human in ten steps or less.

"Sam, please," Bumblebee whimpered, his hips arching up and Sam realized he'd been petting Bee's cock almost absently as he looked, fingertips tracing nonsensical little symbols on the, oh, so soft skin. It was an unintentional tease and he wrapped his hand around it and squeezed gently in apology. Bumblebee gasped, his eyes slipping shut. For all that he was obviously a guy, he really was way too pretty. Full lips parted and damp, and blond hair falling into his eyes.

And okay, he hadn't exactly done this at summer camp and he didn't have libraries of information stored in his head but other people managed to figure it out just fine. He watched Bumblebee's face tightened in anticipation when he leaned down and just touched his tongue to the tip, let it rest there on too-soft, too-hot skin and listened to Bumblebee short, harsh gasps. Easy to please, easy to seduce. His car was a slut, Sam decided with a silent laugh. Probably better not to share that little piece of information.

It wasn't so difficult to suck at it, thick pressure in his mouth and one of Bumblebee's hands cupping the back of his neck. Trembling fingers sifting through his hair and knees rose on either side of his head, encouraging him. Oh, yeah, definitely encouraging him, nudging him into taking a little more, a mess of denim still tangled around his ankles like Bumblebee hadn't been able to manage enough concentration to just get rid of them. How flattering was that, Sam wondered, trying to concentrate on sucking harder swirling his tongue around the tip just to hear Bumblebee make that sweet little choked sound again. Teenager or not, Bee was still a being who stood as tall as a house and had guns built into his arms. And all it took was a little cocksucking to turn him into a shaking, whimpering mess.

"Ah...Sam...stop, stop, please--ah!"

Which was a good indication that Bumblebee wanted him to stop for some reason and Sam promptly ignored him because he wasn't the one who'd come creeping into someone else's bedroom in the middle of the night and complained about a lack of orgasms, was he? He wrapped his arms around Bumblebee's hips and held on, refusing to let go even as Bee's desperate pleas got a little louder, his hands frantic in Sam's hair and he sucked as hard as he could, taking Bee's cock deep enough that he nearly gagged and the sound Bee made could never be mistaken as human.

No semen, no nice clear little signal that yes, sir, orgasm has been achieved. His abrupt stillness was a pretty close second though and it was nice to actually be able to breathe this time as he watched Bee power back up.

It took longer than normal for those green eyes to open and when they did, they promptly glared at Sam. He tried for an innocent look. Okay, as innocent as you could have while you were naked in bed with an alien robot hologram.

"You," Bee told him, "are a brat."

"Which one of us was protesting about unequal orgasms?"

Bee rolled his eyes. "Oh, yes, that was all in the interest of equality. I was trying not to power down. Brat."

Sam felt instantly guilty. "I'm sorry, did I hurt--"

A warm mouth cut him off, Bee whispering against him, "You could never hurt me."

Okay, that was a statement that could use some exploring but it was difficult to concentrate with Bee pushing him gently down onto the bed, soothing him with forgetting kisses and touches. Tomorrow, there were going to be conversations, Sam decided sleepily. Long, rough conversations and they were going to figure this out.

Tomorrow.


~~*~~

Tired as he had been, Sam hadn't forgotten his mental promise of the night before to finally have a long conversation with Bee about this...thing they had going. But it was going to have to come later in the morning because there was no way he was going to interrupt the new and interesting sight of Bumblebee swearing loudly and creatively in a variety of languages, many of what Sam was pretty sure didn't come from this planet.

"God damned goat-arsed, horse-fucking piece of fucking trash," Bee muttered, switching to words that Sam could understand for the moment.

Sam propped his chin on a hand, watching the only part of Bumblebee's body that was visible from beneath his desk. Namely his ass. "So you can travel through space for thousands of years, reformat yourself as a car and a human, but you can't set up a wireless network?"

That earned him a particularly ugly curse, and one green eye glared out from under the desk. "I can," he said scathingly. "If I could accomplish anything with these..." He shook his hands in frustration. "How do you people do anything with these hands?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Sorry, not all of us get to be super advanced living robots."

"And yet, you still call it living," Bee muttered, slipping back under the desk. He rolled over to lie on his back instead and Sam took a moment to appreciate the new view. His shirt rode up just enough for Sam to see the pale line of skin at his belly. He wasn't sure where Bumblebee had gotten his specs or whatever for making a human body, but he'd only given himself a slight amount of body hair and Sam could only barely make out the soft line of it on his belly. It made him want to touch it and all the swearing in the world paled in comparison.

As quietly as he could, Sam slipped off the bed and moved to stand over Bee's spread legs before he sank down into Bumblebee's lap and wriggled his backside firmly against Bee's crotch. Felt him startle violently and the entire desk shook as Bee cracked his head on it, another burst of truly inspiring profanity spouting forth.

Okay, it was sort of mean the way he had to try to keep from laughing, it really was. Sam squeezed a hand underneath the desk to help rub the wounded area. "Sorry, sorry." Bumblebee didn't say anything and Sam thought he should count himself lucky. Instead, he pressed a kiss into Sam's hand before letting it go but he made no move to push Sam off his lap, instead squirming out to examine some kind of electronic gizmo.

"Why do you feel pain, anyway?"

"Because I am mimicking a human," Bee said, almost absently, pushing a couple buttons. "And humans feel pain."

"But why would you want to?"

"I can't pick and choose what part of a human that I wish to mimic. I can't be half a human any more that I can be half a car." He spared Sam a glance. "I can enhance some sensations or decrease them to an extent, but I can't eliminate them."

That didn't seem to make any sense that Sam could figure. If it was like running a computer program, why couldn't he modify it? "I guess I just don't understand how you're doing it. I mean, why can't you pick and choose what you want to be? You pick your clothes and your hair, right?"

"Yes, but I don't have the option of adding gills or a tail," Bumblebee said, exasperated. "Clothes and hair are human attributes."

"But..."

"If I changed it, it wouldn't be real. I can only mimic reality."

"You can't imagine?"

A soft sigh. "Let me rephrase then. I could possibly create a resemblance of a human who did not feel pain and who had gills and a tail, if I so chose. But I won't."

"Why?" Sam felt a little like a petulant five year old but he couldn't seem to let it go.

"I told you. It wouldn't be real. Why would I want to experience the sensations of a being that didn't exist?"

"I...don't know. To try something new, I guess."

"Humans are new enough to me," Bumblebee said decisively. "And I want to feel as you do, Sam."

"Oh," Sam said, weakly. "Does it bother you? To spend so much time acting like a human?"

"You're very inquisitive today." The terseness in his voice made Sam cringe a little inwardly. Bumblebee sighed, the gizmo in his hand tossed aside as he wriggled completely out from under the desk to look at Sam frankly. "No, it doesn't bother me," he said clearly. "Why would it?"

"Well, you're...here, sort of. But your body is out there, just...sitting."

"My body also happens to be right here under you, Sam. My senses are attuned with this form and therefore, I am right here," he stressed.

"But--"

"I used to spend some ten hours at a time alone in my car form before, Sam. Why would it bother me to spend more time with you, whether as a car, a robot, or an extended sensor array?"

"A sensor--"

"A hologram, as you call it."

The reminder of just how much time he'd spent parked in car form in Sam's driveway sent a new wave of guilt

"God, I'm sorry. You must have been so bored sitting there."

"Not really. There was plenty to keep me busy. I was scanning the area in a hundred mile radius for Decepticons, searching for any indication of Autobot activity within this sector, and I have three level seventy characters on World of Warcraft."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. My guild is probably wondering where I've been the past few days." He shrugged a little and scooted back under the desk, seeming oblivious to the fact that Sam was still in his lap. "I may have also possibly accessed a few websites on human sexual relations," he added blandly.

Totally confirming the slut angle. "So, are you going to be much longer? Because not all of us have internal power supplies, see, and--"

He nearly fell off Bumblebee twisted out abruptly, catching Sam's hips to keep him from falling backwards. "Why didn't you tell me you were hungry?"

"It's not that big a deal--"

"I stopped monitoring your basic systems to save on power," Bee said. He sounded angry with himself. "I thought you'd be safe enough within Autobot city that constant monitoring would be unnecessary. I should have rerouted it through my--"

"It's not that big a deal!" Sam repeated, loudly. Bumblebee didn't look reassured. "Oh, come on, I know you take this guardian stuff seriously but a late breakfast isn't a reason to throw yourself on a sword, okay? Okay?" He nudged him when Bee didn't respond. "Say it's okay."

"Okay," Bee agreed, grudgingly. He leaned up on his hands, close enough to Sam's face to kiss him. It was just a sweet, soft touch of lips but Sam melted into it almost helplessly. He was getting way too used to this way, way too fast. He murmured a protest when Bee pulled away that immediately turned into a yelp when he found himself pushed off Bee's lap and onto the floor.

"Come on. Let's get you something to eat before your blood sugar gets too low."

"My hero," Sam muttered. But he took the hand Bumblebee offered and followed him out the door.

The amount of military personal increased the further they walked, heading towards the human barracks where Bumblebee assured him food would be found. It made him feel more than a little awkward and he couldn't quite figure out how far to stand from Bumblebee. Not far enough away to inspire Bee to pull him closer but not close enough that they were a walking advertisement for interstellar gay sex. It was not a decision he'd exactly had to make before.

The uniforms made him feel weird, too, in his t-shirt and jeans and scruffy shoes. It was like showing up at prom in his underwear. "I think I'm seriously underdressed," he whispered to Bee after another perfectly ironed uniform walked past them. It didn't help that everyone was saluting them as they walked past, either. He guessed they must know that the other scruffy teenager was actually one of the Autobots.

Bee glanced at Sam's clothes and back down at his own, considering. "Over here," he said, pulling Sam down a corridor and into a storage room of some sort, boxes with strange labels piled around them.

"What are you doing?" Sam hissed, half afraid that Bee was crazy enough to go for an Autobot version of a quickie. But Bee only stood in front of him, his hands clasped loosely around Sam's arms and his eyes closed. Then, he felt it, a strange, shivery touch moving down his body.

"What are--" Sam blinked down at himself, his clothes rearranging themselves into something entirely new. Dark pants and boots, and a high collar shirt. Not a military uniform in the least but a lot more posh, in fact it was sort of like a dress uniform from..."Star Trek?"

Bee opened his eyes, his own clothes matching Sam's. He smiled brightly. "I like Star Trek. I changed the color scheme so you would feel less self-conscious."

"Thanks." I think. "How did you do this?" He ran a hand down his chest and blinked, startled. It still felt like a t-shirt and jeans.

"It's a true hologram," Bee answered his unspoken question. "I don't have enough reserve power to maintain anything else, but no one else should know the difference."

"So, you put your receptors...on me?"

"A few," he admitted, his expression anxious.

"And they're touching me?"

"I can't feel them," Bee assured him hastily. Like he was afraid Sam thought he was just some alien pervert. Well, he already knew that.

"So it's like you're holding me."

"I--yes. It is," Bee agreed softly, concern melting away.

"Cool." He sounded a little hoarse and Sam cleared his throat a little, moving back out of the storage room before that whole quickie idea started sounding better. "Food, remember?"

"Of course." Bumblebee took the lead again and Sam followed, trying to remember the way so that next time Bee wouldn't have to play tour guide. If he was going to stay here, he was going to have to figure out the layout pretty quickly. But a few signs on the sterile, bare walls sure as heck wouldn't be amiss.

Speaking of signs, a small hand-lettered one over one door declared it to be the canteen. It was mostly empty, with only a few men and one woman in uniforms eating from trays. Sam found one of his own and started loading it up from a long table filled with food that he hoped tasted as good as it smelled. Bee just watched him, arms crossed over his chest as he studied the room. His expression changed and Sam turned to see an older man with dark hair and eyes approaching him, his uniform similar to theirs but with a red crosses sewn onto the sleeves.

"Bumblebee, I've been trying to contact you," he said, his voice both stern and familiar.

"Ratchet?"

He spared a nod at Sam. "It's good to see you, Sam. I hope you're settling in well." He turned his attention back to Bumblebee, who did not look happy. "Bumblebee, a word? Now."

"Sam, why don't you go eat?" Bumblebee didn't look at him.

"Sure." He watched them for a moment longer as Ratchet led Bumblebee over to an empty corner before hefting his tray over to one of the tables. Two more soldiers saluted him on the way and he settled for smiling feebly, hoping his full hands spoke for themselves. With this uniform on, they must think he was one of the Autobots.

The food did taste wonderful, much better than old MASH reruns had led him to believe. He had most of his eggs and two bites of sausage gone before he glanced in Bee's direction again, his appetite shrinking as he watched them.

They were arguing about something, that much he knew. Bumblebee's hands flying in angry gestures while Ratchet stood implacably in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest. He had a bad idea that he knew what or rather, who, they were arguing about. He picked at his hash browns and tried not to watch as Ratchet seemed unimpressed by Bumblebee's passionate argument until Bee finally held up his hands in a gesture of surrender and stalked away, his expression stormy.

Sam focused resolutely on his breakfast and didn't look up as Bumblebee flung himself into the seat across from him.

"Is something wrong?" Sam asked quietly, unable to keep silent. What did he even know about the Autobots rules concerning sex with...humans? Civilians? Whatever they considered him to be. If Bumblebee was in trouble because of him...

"It's nothing," Bee said shortly, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared resolutely across the room.

"But--"

"I said it's nothing," he snapped and Sam fell silent, his hash browns little more than a crumbled mess. A soft sigh. "I'm sorry, I'm not angry at you, Sam. Ratchet just has a tendency to worry himself with things that are none of his concern."

"If you're in trouble because of me--"

"I'm not." Instantly. "I promise you, it's nothing like that. And even if it were, my personal relations are no one's business but my own." He reached out and almost settled his hand over Sam's, hesitated at the last second and glanced around the room. Probably remembering what Sam had said about the military not going for that guy on guy action and he reluctantly settled for patting Sam's arm. "Perhaps not as much our own business as we would prefer. It will be all right, Sam."

He managed a smile. "Yeah." And he was going to keep telling himself that until it was true. Two more military guys walked past them, snapping sharp salutes on their way and Sam couldn't help wrinkling his nose a little. "Are they going keep doing that whenever I'm with you guys?"

"You think they are saluting me?" Bumblebee sounded amused. "Sam, you are the savior of your world. Part of the agreement for you staying here included you having an honorary status amongst your soldiers to reflect that."

"They're saluting me?" If he'd been less shocked, he'd have been embarrassed at the high squeak in his voice.

"Optimus insisted."

"Oh, man," Sam muttered, burying his face in his arms. The bare feel of them reminded him that his clothes weren't even real. "I so need some new clothes."

"If I can get the network hooked up in your room, you can order anything you like," Bee assured him. "Once I get it set up properly, we will make arrangement for you to contact your parents."

Sam winced at the thought of his parents, sharp guilt rising in his throat. He hadn't even thought about them today. God, they were probably out of their minds with worry. "Yeah, let's get that done." He scooped up his tray and tossed the remains of his breakfast in the trash. A half dozen more salutes later and they were on their way back to Sam's quarters.

At least he'd survived his first morning. Sam wasn't sure he wanted to know what the afternoon held for him.

Not that he'd have much choice.

A light touch on his shoulder reminded him that whatever happened, he wasn't on his own. He gave Bumblebee a smile and grabbed his hand long enough to squeeze it. Screw the solder boys.

"C'mon, I have a phone call to make," Sam sighed, tugging Bumblebee along with him.

"Whatever you need, Sam," Bee said, simply and for the first time, Sam was really starting to believe him.

-finis-

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