Appogiatura
by Vivi and Nienor
"Whoa. Look at that."
"I didn't even know they had this kind of catalog in New Zealand."
"Or that they imported them. This one's from the USA."
"How come my trailer doesn't get this kind of mail?"
"I ordered it online. I thought the two of you needed some accessories."
"Orli, look at that!"
"Ouch."
"Keep it under $200 each, and we'll order whatever you want."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
flipflip
"Quit hogging it."
"Shut up, Lij."
"No, I can't see! Gimme that. Is she....?"
"She seems to be."
"She probably is. Those are professional models, you know. You wanna try it?"
"No! No, that's okay. You don't need to get that for me. Really. I... ohhh, look at her."
"No way those are real."
"I don't see any surgery scars."
"Airbrushed."
"But the nipples are in the right place, too."
"They move the nipples when they do the surgery."
"Boys... are you looking at women?"
"No!"
"squeak!"
flipflip
"HEE!"
"Hung like a wee bull mousie."
"Get me a magnifying glass."
"Maybe it's cold in there."
"I didn't know they came in bite size."
"Guess they do. snicker But this guy, now. This guy. I wouldn't wanna meet him in a dark alley."
"Ohhh, I would. Or a lit one!"
"BOYS! Are you looking at MEN?"
"No!"
"squeak!"
"Just bits of them."
"Shut up, Orlando."
flipflip
"I suppose getting something that hangs from the ceiling is out of the question."
"Not if you don't mind explaining to the maid."
"Damn! Now that's just brilliant. How do these people think of these things.... Orli, you'd look good in that one."
"Do I look like a fucking gymnast?"
"You look like a cheap slut minus the eyeliner, but hey, that's only my opinion."
"Fuck you!"
rustling paper
"Do I need to come over there?"
"NO!"
"squeak"
flipflip
"Does there really need to be a section labeled 'Medical'?"
"Skip it. Trust me, there are things in there that'll make your eyes bleed."
"And how would you know.... damn, Lij, I knew you were a kinky little fucker...."
"Shut up!"
"Make me!"
"I'm going to make both of you shut up in a minute."
"....he started it."
"Shut up, cunt, and turn the page."
"So this is where he got that cock ring."
"Look at that other thing."
"How sharp are those barbs?"
"They look plenty sharp to me. And they're inside the strap that goes around your balls."
"Fuck. None of that."
flipflip
"Flavored lube. Yeah, let's get some of that."
"You spend enough time with your tongue up Viggo's asshole."
"I heard that, Orlando."
"Heh. I know what YOU'RE gonna be doing tonight!"
"Shut up, Lij."
"He's right, you know."
"squeak!"
flipflip
"'Cock and ball torture.' It sounds vicious."
"Yeah. Let's get one of those for you, Lij."
"Fuck you. Rather have that than the 'I rub my duckie' vibrator. Shit, people actually buy those things?"
"Not everyone wants the elephant-man fister dildo."
rustling paper
"Asshole!"
"Hey, you're going to tear it!"
"If you tear the magazine, the deal is off, boys, and I'll take that $200 out of your asses instead."
"....he did start it this time...."
"Quit bitching and turn the page."
flipflip
"I suppose we've moved past the condom stage."
"Who the hell would want scented condoms anyway? It's like getting an air freshener for your car and hanging it off your dick."
"Shut up, asshole. You're going to give him ideas, and I am NOT posing for that."
"Is that so, Elijah?"
"squeak"
"Er... next page. What the fuck are vampire gloves?"
"It says they have tiny tacks on them."
"Fuck, no. Bruises after a spanking are bad enough. The last thing I need is someone asking me if I started my period when I bleed through my pants."
"Well, you ARE a CUNT."
"Fuck you."
"Boys. Language!"
"The fact that you're only thinking of your PANTS and not your ARSE frightens me."
"You're such a f-- such a wuss, Orli. You have a problem with a few bruises on your ass?"
"Only when I sit."
"Sitting is a privilege, not a right, Orlando."
"squeak"
"Hey, wow, gags that have dildos right in them. In assorted colors, too."
"And dildos with what, is that a whip?"
"It's a tail. Like a horse. You put that up your arse and Aragorn over there rides you like Bill the Pony."
"....he does?"
"Oh my god. That turns you on."
"Well, why the hell not?"
"Oh my GOD. That turns him ON!"
"I heard you. The first time. Both of you, actually."
"But he wants a horse's tail up his ass!"
"Lijah, there are bridles in the leather gear."
"I am going to spend the next six months whinnying. At both of you."
"That's an option. Of course, I have some options too. Lijah, turn to page 16."
"Ooooooh. For Orli?"
"Yes. To put him in his place."
"And he'll never leave it again, fastened into that. Come to think of it, I'd like trying that myself. It's awfully expensive, though. We'd have to pool our money."
"I'm not pooling my money with you. I'm going to use it to buy every gag this place has. It'll be worth having to wear one myself not to hear you run your gob."
"Gentlemen. I suggest you stop arguing and start picking things out."
scribbling
"You're getting it. I don't believe you're getting it. You sicko."
"Well, I saw you eyeing that barbed cock ring. Don't deny it. Ahhh! Uh-huh! His ears are getting red, Viggo, look."
"Orlando."
"Yes, Viggo?"
"Get the barbed cock ring."
"squeak!"
"And Lijah. Get yourself a bridle, too."
flipflip
"Viggo, can I get this thing that would make Orli's balls stretch eight inches apart?!"
"No!"
"Fuck you, Lij."
"Not even on a good day, OrLANdo."
"Elijah, I'm going to MAKE today a very bad day for both of you if you don't start writing."
"Yeah, yeah..."
"Orlando, pick something out of the paddle section for Elijah."
"With pleasure."
"I'm gonna get this cock-piercing set for Orli!"
"You little CUNT! I'm gonna get you those nipple clamps with TEETH!"
"HEY!"
"Boys. Shut up. Now."
"squeak"
-finis-
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