Title: My Unclean
Author: kimberlite
Pairing: Curt/Brian, Curt/Jerry
Rating: NC-17
Archive: Please ask.
Disclaimer: These beautiful boys belong to Todd Haynes, not me.
Thank you: To Alex, as always, for encouragement and beta.
Note: This little bunny bit after a list discussion in which CoogieAnn used Curt/Jerry as an example of a rare pairing that she'd like to be convinced could work. Don't know if this will do it, but here's one possibility.
Summary: Curt does something he never thought he'd do.
Feedback: Yes, please, to kimberlite@cox.net

My Unclean

Curt let the water wash over him, rinsing off the soap until there was nothing left but a small swirl of suds on top of the drain. His hands stroked languidly over his chest and down to his half-hard cock. Teasing himself, Curt imagined Brian waiting impatiently in the other room, draped artfully across the bed. Humming quietly, Curt turned off the water, wringing the excess from his hair. He was looking forward to having Brian all to himself this evening.

Stepping out of the shower and grabbing a towel, Curt dried off. After running a comb through his hair and stroking his cock a few times, Curt was satisfied that he was ready.

Turning away from the mirror, Curt was surprised to realize that the bathroom door was closed. Opening it, Curt walked into the bedroom and stopped dead in his tracks, his mild surprise turning to shock at what he saw.

Brian -- on the bed, all right, but not waiting impatiently.

Curt took a moment to appreciate the sleek curve of Brian's back and the gentle swell of his ass before focusing on the man Brian was going down on. His legs were firm, scattered with brown hair. Curt's gaze drifted up, past large hands with thick fingers tangled in Brian's hair, along muscular arms and a stout, furred chest to -- fuck.

Jerry -- propped up on pillows, with a smug, self-satisfied look on his face.

A small choking noise escaped Curt at the sight and he could feel his cock softening appreciably. He'd known that Brian had fucked a lot of his entourage, but somehow he'd never, even in his wildest nightmares, imagined that Jerry had been included.

"Come join us, Curt."

Shaking his head, Curt looked Jerry straight in the eye. "That's okay."

Brian tried to raise his head, but Jerry's hands held him firmly in place for a few moments before letting him up. Once he was able to sit up, Brian turned to look at Curt. "I was trying to convince Jerry to let you record your new song."

Distracted by Brian's puffy, glistening lips and flushed face, it took a minute for the words to sink in. When they did, Curt's eyes widened at the implications and the casual tone Brian had used. Glaring at Brian, Curt asked quietly, "Is this how you usually deal with your managers?"

Shrugging, Brian said, "Well, it's always worked."

Speechless, Curt tried to understand what had him feeling so unbalanced. It wasn't like sex was a big taboo for him; he'd certainly fucked more men than he could count. Still, there was something about Brian servicing Jerry for his song that left Curt feeling queasy. "You don't have to do this for me."

Having watched their exchange with interest, Jerry added, "You're right, Curt. Brian was trying to help you, but it is your song. What say we come to a mutually beneficial understanding..."

Curt struggled to believe what he was hearing. Jerry was about as attractive as a warthog. "I don't think I understand," he ventured, hoping against hope he was wrong.

Jumping off the bed, Brian went over to Curt. "I'd hoped he'd be happy with me, but he's got it into his head that he wants to shag you and nothing else will do."

Lowering his voice, Curt leaned his head toward Brian's. "You've got to be kidding -- that's Jerry. I didn't even think he liked men."

Running a hand through Curt's damp hair Brian tried to sound soothing. "He doesn't usually, and he never bottoms, but sometimes it's a different kick."

"That figures -- it's a power trip for him," Curt whispered angrily.

Brian rubbed Curt's tense shoulders. "Call it what you will, but that's the way he operates."

Slowly, Curt realized he was just as pissed at Brian as he was at Jerry. "So you see nothing wrong with letting him fuck me to get a song recorded."

"It's the way show business works," Brian stated, slightly baffled that Curt was reacting so naively. "If you want the song enough, it will be worth a small sacrifice."

Curt cringed at Brian's phrase. "It's a fucking good song -- I shouldn't have to do this."

Cupping Curt's face in his palms, Brian said, "Of course it's a good song -- and it deserves to be recorded so other people can hear it. If it's just letting Jerry shag you that's the problem, I'll stay and you can touch me and look at me and pretend it's not him."

Resting his forehead against Brian's, Curt closed his eyes. Could he do this? He'd done a hell of a lot of stupid things in his life, so what was the big deal? Slowly he pulled back so he could see Brian's face. "You'll stay?"

Nodding, Brian murmured, "I'll always be will you."

Curt accepted the brush of Brian's lips over his own and tried to shut out everything else.

Leading Curt over to the bed, Brian said, "He'll do it."

Jerry's smile widened. "Excellent."

After motioning for Jerry to move over, Brian settled in the pillows, opening his legs and pulling Curt down on top of him. Kissing Curt's face, Brian said, "Focus on me, luv."

The heat from Brian's body helped mitigate the chill Curt could feel creeping over him. He hoped the numbness would reach his brain and he'd be able to forget this had ever happened, but he knew it wouldn't be that easy.

As if on cue, Jerry slapped Curt's ass. "Hands and knees, boy."

Curt struggled to follow Jerry's order without striking back. He hated feeling vulnerable, and even with Brian talking to him and stroking him gently, Curt was all too aware of the man kneeling behind him.

Without warning, Jerry's hand was on his ass, spreading him apart. Curt gasped as something slender but long was pushed up his ass. It didn't feel like a finger. His first instinct was to turn around and demand to know what Jerry had inserted, but Brian pulled his head down and began kissing him. Slowly, he relaxed, letting Brian distract him from whatever game Jerry was playing.

The object was pushed in and out for a couple minutes and then removed. Curt's relief was short lived as Jerry's cock replaced it. From the glimpse he'd had, Curt knew Jerry's cock was short, but as it penetrated him, Curt felt the effect of its width and the lack of real preparation; it also didn't help that Jerry had only used a miniscule amount of spit to lubricate himself.

Jerry anchored himself with his hands on Curt's hips before pulling out entirely and slamming back in. Curt gritted his teeth, unwilling to make any sounds of distress as Jerry thrust hard again and again.

Seeing Curt's discomfort, Brian reached his hands to Curt's shoulders, rubbing up and down Curt's arms and over to his upper back. "Relax, luv...relax and it won't hurt so...it's okay...hang in there, luv..."

Little by little, Curt focused on the rhythm of Brian's words, managing to let them calm him. Distantly, he felt Jerry stiffen, flooding him with hot wetness. Curt tried not to gag as Jerry collapsed over him, clammy, hairy skin connecting with his back. He buried his face against Brian's neck, desperately wishing Jerry would get off him.

Brian stroked Curt's hair, feeling the small shudders that coursed through his body. Looking up, Brian nudged at Jerry. "Get off -- I can't breathe," he lied, knowing instinctively that Curt was close to the breaking point.

When Jerry's weight was finally removed, Curt lay limply against Brian, trying to regain his equilibrium. Just when things had started to feel a bit more stable, Curt smelled the thick smoke of a cigar. Lifting his head, Curt found Jerry leaning comfortably against the headboard, grinning widely as he puffed the long, slender, cigar.

Realization broke over Curt with brutal clarity. Smothering a cry, he leapt off the bed and barely made it to the toilet before puking his guts up.

*****

Brian watched Curt run for the loo. While he didn't quite understand why Curt was so upset about Jerry, he'd never seen Curt this disturbed and he didn't like it. Turning to Jerry, Brian said, "He gets to record whatever the fuck he wants."

Smiling smugly, Jerry raised his eyebrows. "But of course."

Getting up to go check on Curt, Brian said pointedly, "Good night, Jerry."

Clearly getting the message, Jerry nodded and blew a smoke ring.

*****

Curt stood under the freezing water, hoping the numbness would return. He felt incredibly tainted. Even when he'd been on smack and desperate for a hit he'd never resorted to whoring himself. But that was what he'd done now for his music.

The water shut off and Brian's arms wrapped a shivering Curt in a towel. "Come on, mate, you're freezing."

Silently, Curt let Brian care for him. Standing still while Brian combed out his hair, Curt found it hard to believe he'd just stood here doing the same task. Looking into the mirror, he appeared the same as always -- except for the livid imprint of fingers on his hips. The bruises would be a physical reminder for a couple days, but he suspected he'd carry ghost markings with him for much longer.

"I'm so sorry, Curt," Brian murmured. "I had no idea --"

"Forget it," Curt said roughly, not wanting to explain his reaction.

Respecting Curt's wishes, Brian said, "You're still chilled. Let's get under the covers and I'll try to warm you up."

Relieved that Jerry was gone when they stepped out of the bathroom, Curt tried not to dwell on what he'd just done. Curled together, Curt let Brian kiss and fondle him. He was surprised to find himself hardening under Brian's touch.

Rubbing their cocks together, Brian groaned. "Curt...please...take me..."

Curt couldn't deny that Brian felt wonderful against him. Maybe this was just what he needed to wipe the stain of Jerry from him. Capturing Brian's lips in a searing kiss, Curt let his hand wander down Brian's smooth back. When he reached Brian's ass, he squeezed lightly before gently teasing his fingers against Brian's anus.

Brian arched under the caress, wanting the pleasure Curt was giving him, wanting to make Curt feel it too. "Yes...want you in me...now."

Smiling at Brian's demanding tone, Curt knew he'd never be able to deny Brian anything for long. "Okay, hold on -- I need to find the lube."

"I think I put it under the pillow." Brian twisted over, rummaging around until he found it. Wiggling his ass invitingly, Brian held the lube up for Curt. "Here."

"Thanks." Taking the lube, Curt slicked himself and then applied some to his fingers. Brian seemed comfortable on his side, so Curt spooned closer, sliding one finger inside.

After the second finger, Brian began to get impatient. "I'm ready."

Curt kissed the nape of Brian's neck, nibbling his way up to Brian's ear. Sucking the lobe between his lips, Curt flicked his tongue back and forth in rhythm with his fingers. Pulling back, Curt teased, "You're ready?"

Groaning, Brian pushed back, wanting whatever he could get of Curt. "Yes -- do it."

Chuckling quietly, Curt removed his fingers and slowly entered Brian. The heat around his cock was fantastic. "Okay?"

Feeling Curt down to his toes, Brian panted, "Great."

Reaching around, Curt grasped Brian's cock and began stroking it. He returned his lips to Brian's neck, working along Brian's shoulders as he thrust slowly in and out. As good as this was, Curt couldn't help feeling an emptiness somewhere deep inside. Stilling, he realized what he needed. "I need you to fuck me, Bri."

Tamping down the urge to thrust back against Curt, Brian asked carefully, "Are you sure?"

Hearing Brian's concern and uncertainty, Curt rested his head against Brian's shoulder, wrapping his arm around Brian's chest, embracing him. After a few moments, Curt murmured, "Yeah, I need you to do it."

"Okay -- whatever you need, luv," Brian agreed, still unsure exactly what demons Curt was fighting, but determined to do what he could to free Curt.

Pulling out of Brian, Curt rolled onto his back, spreading his legs and reaching his arms over his head, crossing his wrists. He needed to be able to trust Brian when he felt helpless, vulnerable.

Finding the lube again, Brian applied some. When he looked up, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of Curt spread out before him. Curt was utterly, exquisitely, uniquely beautiful. "Curt..." Brian whispered, awed by the trust he saw in Curt's blue-green eyes.

"Bri..."

Brian leaned down to kiss Curt's lips -- a gentle brush of moist flesh, a benediction that quickly turned into a hungry, sloppy, passionate plea for more. Brian broke the kiss, maneuvering himself to kneel between Curt's legs. Seeing Curt's stiff cock reassured Brian that Curt was as turned on by their touches as he was. Slowly, Brian ran his hands up and down Curt's legs before placing them underneath Curt's knees and silently asking Curt to bend them. Once Curt's feet were on the bed, Brian kissed the tops of Curt's knees.

Curt followed Brian's directions, trying not to writhe and beg for more. He appreciated Brian's care, even if his body was crying out to be taken immediately. Finally, Brian pushed a finger inside him and Curt made a conscious effort to relax and allow the intrusion. The second finger was more difficult -- he hadn't realized how sore he already was -- but he accepted it, unwilling to let anything stand in the way of their joining.

Feeling Curt tense but then relax, Brian removed his fingers and positioned himself at Curt's opening. As he pushed in with steady pressure, Brian was surprised to feel resistance. Curt usually had wonderful control over his body. Afraid he was hurting Curt, Brian stilled, looking up to Curt's face.

As Brian entered him, Curt involuntarily tensed, trying to keep the invader out. Biting his lower lip, Curt tried to let the pain and panic flow through him. He wanted this, wanted Brian. He could do it. The pressure eased and Curt realized that Brian was looking at him with concern. "Don't stop," he pleaded.

Seeing the look of desperation, Brian said, "But I don't want to hurt you."

Taking a shuddering breath, Curt whispered, "You won't...it doesn't matter...I just need you inside me."

"Curt?"

"Please."

Brian began to push again, feeling Curt's body open to him, drawing him in until he was buried as deeply as he could go.

Curt tossed his head back and forth as Brian penetrated him. Clenching his hands into fists, he rode the sensations. The pain was there, but he could deal with it. And mixed with it was pleasure, an intense, intimate joy that Curt latched onto with almost desperate strength. "More..."

Unable to deny Curt or himself, Brian pulled out and thrust back in. The heat pouring off Curt and the delicious friction of their bodies was almost overwhelming. Brian leaned down to lick one of Curt's nipples. Feeling Curt arch into the touch, Brian used his teeth to peak the dark flesh, adding a hint of pain to the soft kisses.

Curt cried out, surrendering to Brian, wanting to take whatever Brian decided to give him.

Trailing his tongue in circles around Curt's nipple, Brian gradually wandered to Curt's armpit, delighting in the clean, tangy scent of Curt's sensitive flesh.

When Brian started licking under his arm, Curt had to fight not to lower his arms or laugh out loud. The sensation was bizarre, a tickling feeling gentled by the intimacy of the act -- no one had ever licked him there before. His dazed mind decided that he liked it.

Brian nuzzled Curt's neck as he continued to thrust strongly. He could feel the strong, fast beat of Curt's heart pounding in the veins beneath his lips. For a moment, Brian felt a blood lust worthy of a night creature, but he contented himself with tasting the salty tang of Curt's sweat.

The universe had compressed itself to three points -- the warm wetness of Brian's mouth sucking on his throat, the slick slide of his cock against Brian's stomach, and the velvet hardness moving in and out of his ass. Curt knew it wouldn't be long before even these points were subsumed by a cataclysmic explosion of energy.

Feeling Curt's body spasm beneath him, Brian sat up, watching Curt's passion, letting it spur him on. He was lost in Curt's eyes. Sparkling with unshed tears, their shifting colors were intensely bright, a kaleidoscope of emotions sucking him into a raging vortex of pleasure, pain, submission, and ultimate triumph.

When the world solidified around him again, Curt felt the satisfying weight of Brian's body resting on his own. Carefully flexing his hands, Curt brought his arms down from above his head to encircle his lover.

Feeling Curt holding him, Brian smiled, touched by Curt's ability to be so delicate and yet so incredibly strong. "Better?"

Curt ran a hand through Brian's hair. He was still shaky, but grounded again by his connection with Brian. "Better."

He felt clean again.