Title: Your Death Could Not Kill Our Love For You
Author: kimberlite
Pairing: Brian/Arthur
Rating: NC-17
Archive: Please ask first
Disclaimer: These beautiful boys belong to Todd Haynes, not me.
Thank you: To Alex for nifty beta.
Notes: Yes, this is B/A. Just remember how "Green Eggs and Ham" ended, okay?
Feedback: Yes, please, to kimberlite@cox.net

Your Death Could Not Kill Our Love For You

Arthur stood in shocked silence amidst the feathers, seeing only blood. This nightmare simply could not be happening.

An unknown time later, Arthur realized that he was surrounded by strangers. He had been separated from his friends in the initial rush to the stage, but now he needed to find them. Turning slowly, he scanned the room until he saw Ray, his distinctive hair rising above the crowd. Arthur worked his way through the stunned crowd to join the Flaming Creatures.

Ray was the first to see Arthur. Wordlessly, he opened his arms and hugged Arthur to his chest. Then Arthur was passed around the group, hugged and fussed over like a lost chick.

It felt better to be with the guys, but Arthur was still so horrified that he couldn't say much. They waited in silence until a police inspector came over to talk with them. Arthur was the only one who had seen the gunman, so he told what he could about the few seconds that had seemed an eternity.

Finally they were allowed to leave. Heading back to their flat, they walked slowly, the joy of their journey to the theater changed to despair.

*****

When Arthur had met the Flaming Creatures, they had invited him to share their two-bedroom flat. It was a continual mess, but it had been a revelation to Arthur that he could be himself and still fit in.

The sleeping situation was fluid. During any night, Arthur would be hard pressed to guess which combination of Creatures was within which bedroom. Although they had gently offered Arthur a place with them, he slept alone on the couch. Slowly Arthur was accepting closer contact, but he was still uncomfortable with himself and not ready to go too far.

Returning home now, Arthur felt enveloped in their concern. Even though they were also shaken by the event, they knew just how important Brian Slade was to Arthur. Malcolm took his hand and led Arthur to the couch. Pearl made tea, and they sat quietly together, Ray on Arthur's other side, Billy and Pearl at his feet.

They were all exhausted, yet too wired to sleep. Finally, Malcolm kissed Arthur's hand. "We don't think you should be alone tonight, Arthur."

"It's only natural..." Billy began.

"That in a time of stress like this..." Pearl continued.

"You would turn to your friends..." Ray said.

"For comfort," Malcolm finished.

Mind whirling, Arthur looked at the concerned faces of his friends. "I don't think I'm ready." Arthur had admitted to himself that as nice as the feeling of belonging was, he really only wanted to sleep with two people, Brian or Curt. He let out a choked sob when he realized that his list had just been cut in half.

Once Arthur started crying, he couldn't seem to stop. He buried his face in Malcolm's shoulder and sobbed out his pain. He felt gentle hands stroking him, voices whispering soothing reassurances, but he felt disconnected.

Slowly he came back, not really wanting to face reality. The warmth of Malcolm's body actually felt good, although it couldn't penetrate the frozen regions of his heart.

Leaning back, Arthur allowed Malcolm to wipe the tears from his face. The touch stirred a need inside of Arthur, a primal response of the living when facing death. Groaning softly, Arthur tilted his face upward and said, "Please..."

With an understanding smile, Malcolm leaned over to kiss Arthur, first his forehead, then his puffy eyes, and finally his lips. Arthur deepened the kiss, desperate to replace pain with pleasure.

It was like a dream, hot hands roaming, wet tongues sliding over his naked flesh. Lying on his side on the bed, Arthur lost track of who was where, simply abandoning himself to the sensations of being petted and kissed and fondled.

Arthur felt himself shudder as lips touched his cock. He gasped as he was taken into a mouth. He had never felt such wet heat surround him before. It was incredible. The additional stimulation of hands kneading his calves and thighs, a mouth savoring his lips, and fingers stroking his anus, combined to send Arthur tumbling into an intense orgasm.

When Arthur returned to his senses, Pearl, Billy and Ray kissed him gently and then left for the other bedroom. Malcolm gathered him up against his body, stroking him and murmuring, "Sleep now, luv. Let it go. Sleep."

Surprisingly enough, Arthur did.

*****

The next few days were the hardest, as Arthur tried to work through his feelings about Brian's death. Slowly he went through all the classic stages of grief until he finally accepted the fact that Brian was gone.

Arthur's evolving relationship with the Flaming Creatures was a source of strength and reassurance. After the first night, he had joined in the communal sleeping arrangements, feeling comforted by the presence of warm bodies.

However, Arthur was still uncertain of the more physical aspect of their relationship. To their credit, the Creatures didn't push him. They were always ready with a kiss or touch, but willing to let Arthur control how much attention he wanted.

A couple weeks after the shooting, Arthur realized that he actually felt pretty good, and decided to go for a walk. He was wandering around a small public garden, enjoying the fresh air, when his world turned upside down. There in front of him was a man, but not just any man. It was Brian Slade.

*****

Arthur was stunned. This couldn't be Brian. But beneath the hat, Arthur could see the familiar, much longed-for face. When their eyes met, it was clear that Brian knew he had been recognized. They stayed motionless for a moment, then Brian sighed and started toward Arthur.

"You're alive," Arthur managed to say, face lighting up with a smile.

Brian laughed shortly. "It figures -- I've been cooped up inside for so long, and the first time I slip out, someone finds me."

Arthur's smile faltered. "But you were shot. I saw you die." Arthur was getting upset.

"Hey, kid, don't get worked up. I needed to get away from Maxwell Demon." Brian shrugged.

Staring at Brian, Arthur was torn between the joy of seeing Brian alive, and the anger that he had tricked them all. "Didn't you know how everyone would feel? We thought you were dead. How could you put us through that?"

Brian looked at Arthur blankly. "I needed to get out."

Speechless, Arthur tried to digest the explanation. It didn't make him feel any better. Firmly, Arthur said, "You have to let people know you're alive."

Brian smiled slightly, meeting Arthur's eyes and putting his hand on Arthur's arm. "I can't. It will have to be our little secret."

Arthur caught his breath as Brian reached out to touch him. Conflicting feelings roared through his mind. People needed to know the truth, but Brian obviously didn't want anyone to know. What was he supposed to do?

Brian watched Arthur's expression, following his thoughts. Wanting to tip the balance in his favor, Brian moved his hand up Arthur's arm and touched his face. What the hell, the kid was sort of cute. "Why don't you come back with me and we'll talk more about this."

Arthur's face was burning where Brian had made contact. The sincere expression in Brian's eyes was irresistible. "Okay."

Brian traced Arthur's lips. "Good."

*****

Brian brought Arthur to a large, well-furnished flat. While it was comfortable, it lacked personal touches. Noticing Arthur's curious gaze, Brian said, "I've only lived here since the concert."

Nodding, Arthur moved further in. Brian closed the door and took off his coat and hat, tossing them over a chair. Arthur shrugged out of his jacket and placed it on top of Brian's.

Brian moved across the room with a sinuous grace that made him appear to be flowing, not walking, along the ground. Arthur could only follow his progress with his eyes, drinking in the beauty that the man exuded.

Brian looked up at Arthur and smiled. "Come over here, kid."

Arthur went willingly, captivated by Brian's expression and smooth voice.

Running his hands through Arthur's hair, Brian said, "I need to ask you to keep quiet about this for the time being."

"But..." As Brian leaned in to kiss his cheek, Arthur lost his train of thought.

Running his lips along Arthur's skin, Brian continued, "I knew I could count on you to protect me."

Arthur didn't reply. His lips were captured by Brian's, and any remaining rational thought he might have had fled at the silky contact.

Well, Brian thought, that hadn't taken much effort. Still, he was bored and the kid might prove a nice distraction from his tortured thoughts of Curt. Brian broke the kiss, stepping back and reaching to pull Arthur's shirt off.

Cool air swirled around Arthur's hot skin as Brian efficiently stripped him. A small part of his mind wanted to protest, but mostly he was just incredibly turned on by the thought of being with Brian.

Brian began to remove his own clothes, and wanting to help, Arthur dropped down to take off Brian's shoes and socks. After Brian stepped out of his pants, Arthur looked up and found himself level with Brian's groin.

The startled gasp that escaped Arthur was not lost on Brian, whose cock rapidly hardened completely. Using his hands on Arthur's head, Brian gently positioned Arthur and pushed his cock to Arthur's lips.

Instinctively, Arthur opened his mouth and flicked out his tongue. Brian tasted salty and smooth, and Arthur found he wanted to give Brian as much pleasure as he could. Slowly he began to suck, taking more of Brian into himself. Arthur used the quiet moans coming from Brian to tell what he liked best.

Soon, Brian pulled back and helped Arthur to his feet. This time their kiss was wet and urgent, the feel of slick flesh adding a new dimension of pleasure. Brian ran his hands down Arthur's back to his ass, kneading the firm flesh beneath his fingers. Arthur thrust forward against Brian, overwhelmed by the sensations swamping him.

Brian continued to kiss Arthur, finally breaking away to nip at his lips and say, "I want to fuck you."

Arthur felt a jolt of pleasure and panic shoot through him at the request. "I've never..."

Brian smiled gently, enjoying the look of uncertainty that flashed briefly across Arthur's eyes. "I'll show you how." Brian's hands continued to stroke along Arthur's ass.

Taking a deep breath, Arthur relaxed into Brian's sure touch. "Yes. Take me."

Brian moved them over to the couch, bending Arthur over the back of it so that his arms on the cushion took most of his weight. Lightly rubbing Arthur's ass, Brian used his knees to spread Arthur's legs more widely.

Exposed so fully, Arthur felt a moment of fear but then Brian was touching him and it felt so wonderful. He tensed when Brian's finger worked its way into his ass, slippery with spit, but then relaxed into the new sensation, allowing a second finger entrance.

Brian carefully probed Arthur, seeking his prostate. Arthur jerked when Brian found it, groaning his pleasure at the touch. "You like that, huh?"

Panting with excitement, Arthur could barely speak. "Yes," he gritted out, moaning as Brian removed his fingers.

Arthur didn't have to wait long before Brian returned, pushing his hard cock against Arthur's anus. "Relax, kid," Brian growled. "I need to be in you." With one solid push, Brian slid deep inside.

Arthur's cry of pain changed quickly into cries of pleasure as Brian began a steady rhythm, thrusting deeper and deeper into the willing body beneath him. Arthur clutched the edge of the cushion, riding the waves of Brian's passion.

Arthur's cock was trapped against the couch. Brian's motions rubbed the delicate skin against the rough fabric creating incredible friction. When Brian's cock hit his prostate, Arthur screamed into the cushions and came.

Brian continued to move inside him. As Arthur floated back to reality, he tightened his ass, milking Brian's cock. The unexpected stimulus pushed Brian over, and he flooded Arthur with his seed.

Arthur's pleasure turned to pain as he heard Brian whimper, "Curt..."

Arthur lay stiffly under Brian until the other man caught his breath enough to lift off. He was not going to cry. So what if Brian had called for Curt while not even knowing his name? It didn't matter.

Apparently Brian hadn't realized what he had said, or didn't care. Pulling Arthur up from the couch, he wrapped his arms around the shivering body and held him close. Kissing Arthur's face, Brian said, "You were wonderful."

Unable to speak, Arthur buried his face against Brian's shoulder and let Brian's touch soothe him.

*****

Arthur walked toward his flat, sure that the entire world could read what had happened in his face and in the slightly awkward way he moved. He had promised Brian he wouldn't tell, that he would keep the secret. But how was he going to see his friends and not tell? They would notice that his feelings had changed.

Well, there was nothing he could do about it. Steeling himself, Arthur went in. Billy came over to say hello, hugging him briefly. Arthur tried to act naturally, not wanting to arouse suspicion. If he could just get into the loo and clean up, he could pull himself together.

Malcolm intercepted him, asking where he had been all afternoon. Knowing he wasn't trying to pry, Arthur bit back a sharp retort and said, "I was just walking around, getting some air."

Nodding thoughtfully, Malcolm said, "Wash up fast, food's almost ready."

*****

Arthur couldn't sleep. Tonight the comforting warmth of another body was irritating and too hot. Slipping out of the bedroom, Arthur retreated to the couch where he had first slept.

His mind was in turmoil. The joy of finding Brian alive and of giving himself to Brian was offset by the knowledge that he didn't mean anything to Brian and the need to lie to his friends. He didn't know what to feel anymore.

So wrapped up in his thoughts, Arthur jumped in surprise when Malcolm sat down next to him. "Need to talk, luv?"

He should have known that Malcolm would see right through him. Sighing, Arthur said, "I found out something today, but I promised I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Okay, what about the rest?" Malcolm's voice was gentle.

Arthur looked at Malcolm through the shadows, seeing his expression of concern and caring. Trying not to sound too emotional, Arthur said, "I found somebody today while I was out walking, and I let him fuck me." Scared of his reaction, Arthur couldn't look at Malcolm.

Raising Arthur's face with his hand, Malcolm said, "There's nothing to be ashamed of, luv. It was going to happen eventually. Are you all right?"

Blushing, Arthur nodded, "Yeah, it was wonderful."

"I'm glad."

They sat in silence for a while until Arthur said, "I don't think I'll get to see him again."

"Oh, Arthur. I'm so sorry." Malcolm stroked Arthur's hair from his face.

"It's okay. I just have to learn to be happy with what I had and not wish for more."

Malcolm held Arthur until he relaxed in exhaustion. "Let's go back to bed and get some sleep."

Arthur allowed Malcolm to walk him back to bed. Curled up together, Arthur whispered, "Thanks."

*****

Even knowing that he had been a one night stand, Arthur couldn't help fantasizing about Brian. He would show Brian how loyal he was, even after the fake shooting, even after he had sent Arthur out of his life with only a promise of silence between them.

And Arthur had kept his mouth shut. But eventually the shooting was declared a hoax and the fallout was spectacular. Angry fans burned albums, Brian's popularity plummeted, his career was essentially over.

Arthur ached for Brian, for the destruction of a star. But it wasn't only Brian's career that was over. The times were changing, and glam rock was going out of style. The last big concert was being held that night, a salute to the death of glitter.

The Flaming Creatures were going to perform, and Arthur was determined to enjoy the show. When he saw Curt Wild, he was immediately captivated by Curt's uninhibited energy. Raw sexuality poured off Curt, on stage and off, drawing Arthur inexorably to the rooftop.

It was a night of magic. Curt was waiting for him, wanting him, taking him gently.

In the morning they talked and romped. Curt told Arthur not to be ashamed to be himself, to allow himself freedom.

But then it was over.

Arthur had not been able to be Curt for Brian, or Brian for Curt. He could only be himself. But who was he?