Dissipate this!by The Force, as dictated to Master Yo-Gurt

Category: POV, Humor

Rating: G

Warnings: Behold the voice of The Force! And learn from it.

Spoilers: For TPM (but who hasn't seen that one by now!)

Summary: The Force had it with the Jedi

Disclaimer: All SW belongs to the Flanneled One, no money ever will come out of this lunacy

Notes: I was in a pissed mood when this bunny bit and wouldn't let go of me. I simply needed to ... dissipate something. I'm feeling very much better now! Thanks to MrsHamill for a quick beta and critique.

Feedback: Always welcome, but no whining, please (you don't want to anger you-know-what) at quigon_jinn21@hotmail.com



I am the Force! I am all powerful, or that's what they tell the little initiates at the Jedi Temple. Jedi? Those are the guys who "use me" - well, to be honest, I let them believe that they can manipulate me. In the end, though, I have the final say.

Or so I thought for the longest time. Until that little green man started to preach to them the mantra of "fear leads to anger, leads to hate, leads to suffering..." yadda, yadda, yadda. It went downhill from there, the Jedi, in not too insubstantial numbers I might add, began to "dissipate" all their negative emotions ... whereto? Right, into me! As if I'm just a convenient storage medium for all the everyday crap these people go through.

Got a crappy day with your light saber instructor? Dissipate your frustrations - into the Force!

Master Windu rakes on you regarding the Code? Dissipate your anger - into the Force!

Your Master got killed by a Sith? Dissipate your hate - into the Force!

All this dissipating this and that into the Force - ME! What the heck! Sure, I compartmentalize. All those dissipated feeling I keep nicely stored away in what they call the Dark Side of me. And then those two guys in black, spiffy outfits can tap into that nicely-maintained reservoir of negative emotions. But please - enough is enough! I've had it up to filling level with all that angst, uncertainties, and jitters that particularly those two Jedi just love to dump into me. There simply is no end to this. And I've really had it. What are their names again? Ah yes, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Do they have problems to get around to. Especially that young pup, Obi-Wan. Man, tell your Master already that you wanna fuck him! Get it over with and spare me all your anxiety. "Will he reject me? He hardly took me as his Padawan on Bandomeer, am I worthy of his love? Will I ever be able to live up to his expectations?"

Helloooooo kid, stop whining and start doing... the nasty that is; we don't have until the next millennium here! If you'll never talk to him about your horniness and just go doing your "dissipating-this-into-the-Force-thing," no, you'll never have him in your bed with you.

And his Master? NOT a whole lot better. Having qualms about taking his Padawan before the trials. Oh, the inappropriateness of such a thing. As he likes to point out, "it's against the Code." My friend, you screwed that precious Code of yours so many times already, what does it matter this time around?

Oh yes, and then we have his angst of being too old , and his perpetual pet pain of having been burned by that former apprentice of his. Please, gimme a break here! At least that Xanatos fellow had the good grace to use up some of all that dark energy that the Jedi have dissipated into me. What a relief! Same with that Maul character - splendid user of my Dark Side, even if he was cut down much too early, right in his prime. He would have gotten rid of lots of that Dark stuff I'm harboring, but noooo, that pup comes along and "mauls" him down.

And now he frets about his precious Master ... oh, is he one with me? Why didn't he disappear like a good Jedi does? Tell you what - Qui-Gon, ehm, he did so much against regulation, why should this particular instance bother your so much? And again, all I hear from this wanna-be Jedi is how his Master never said a personal word of goodbye to him, only thinking about that "stinking brat." Whine, whine, whine - and releasing all that crap into me again.

But now I'll get my revenge, at last. Not for nothing have I led Qui-Gon to Tatooine and that boy, not for nothing have I clouded the Council's collective minds and instincts to allow the pup to train Anakin. Not for nothing have I stricken that Yoda fellow with his ridiculous speech pattern so he won't be taken too seriously. Ha!

At last I will have the perfect tool for dooming the Jedi and all their damn pollution of the Force with negativity. Anakin will be their doom, and the pup will be my obedient, pliant helper in that task.

At last I will get rid of the Jedi, at last I will find peace from their constant anger dumping; at last I will let Palpy and Anakin get rid of my Dark Side!

I thank the Gods - and particularly my pet pupil ... Qui-Gon Jinn.

The End