"Refuge"
Rating: R
One night during the Clone Wars, Bail finds a Jedi.
It was the smell that was the worst. The unbelievable stench of machines and blood and shit and death filled every breath he took as he stumbled through the camp. General Kenobi reached up -- wanting, needing to cover his nose -- and felt the slickness of gore dripping from his hands, clinging to his cheeks. He covered his mouth within his fist as he gagged. The soldiers who saw him assumed he was simply coughing.
The compound was ahead, just ahead. He walked with unreal speed, not registering the grey structures or the grey soldiers he passed. Ben could feel the thoughts of the soldiers about him: "Jedi. Kenobi. General Kenobi. Kenobi. Jedi. Jedi. Jedi..." His shoulders crumpled beneath the weight of unrelenting hope. He was no longer Jedi, not really. He hadn't meditated in months; the Light was lost to him, shadowed with the Emperor's wars and the unending waves of clones.
He wanted to go home, needed to go home, to take his padawan home where it was clean and he could breathe. He wanted to take Anakin home where it was safe. Remind him what it was to be a child of the Light. He wanted to go home.
He settled for his quarters.
Ben stepped inside, shushing his advisors with a wave of his hand. Not now, not when his heart was splattered with children's blood and his padawan, his Anakin, the Jedi's chosen one was out there fighting. Not now. The war could wait.
It was a measure of their desperation that the chatter didn't cease, didn't even really falter as he moved towards his room. Shouldering his way past nameless, faceless uniforms, Ben slammed the door behind him, stumbling into his barren room. With a sound somewhere between a sob and a sigh, General Kenobi allowed his knees to crumple, his elbows to hit the floor with a thump and simply closed his eyes.
There are moments when sleep is the only refuge a soul has.
When he awoke, a bed supported his back and his head rested on a pillow. Ben could feel a warm cloth dragging along his face, gently scrubbing through his beard. His eyelids were cleaned, caressed, teased open. Dark eyes, concerned and questioning, looked down at him. "Come on, General, wake up for me."
Ben closed his eyes. "Not yet, please."
A sad little laugh reached his ears. "Not even for me, Ben?"
The image of Anakin's lightsaber, flashing almost white in the darkness, running through flesh and bone, was burned upon his eyelids. He shook his head. "Not even for you."
"And you said I could make you forget anything." Ben flushed, hearing the true and honest sorrow beneath the laughter. He was tired, too tired for this and tears were hovering all too close to a cracked surface.
"I'm sorry, Bail." The rag moved, cleaning his neck, the hollow of his throat.
"Yeah, well, let me do what I can, Ben. Just rest and let me help." Ben floated, letting his friend, his lover, his fellow soldier, unfasten his jacket, his shirt. Soon his boots were gone, his trousers removed and the cloth was removed, rinsed and warmed, and then returned to his skin.
Naked, warm and relaxed, Ben dozed under the regard of his lover. "Obi-Wan?"
Instinctively, Ben opened his eyes, glaring at his lover's face, his trim body, nude and glowing warmly in the lights. He saw the caring, the love in that familiar face through watery eyes before slamming them shut.
"I'm not Obi-Wan. Not here. Not in this place. It's General Kenobi. Jedi. Killing machine. Master of Strategy. Trainer of Legions." His voice cracked. "Murderer of children."
"Obi-Wan." The voice was close now, sliding over his ears, calming him.
"I'm General Ben Kenobi." He could feel Bail's warmth, his skin so close, but not touching. Bail's breath moved across his jaw, his neck. A wet tongue, a spot of heat, moving down his neck. Ben felt his body tense. "Bail..."
"Obi-Wan." Murmured over a nipple.
"Obi-Wan." Whispered over a trembling stomach.
"Obi-Wan." Breathed down too-thin thighs.
His name filled his ears, a chant, a reminder, anchoring him to the Light, to the moment. "Obi-Wan... Obi-Wan... Obi-Wan..." He opened his eyes, saw the serious face above his, mouth whispering, constantly moving.
Obi-Wan undulated beneath Bail, let their bodies meet fully, skin warming skin. They rocked together, erections meeting. Obi-Wan reached up, hands trailing up and down, stroking the firm muscles in Bail's back. He encouraged Bail's thrusting, his thighs falling open, relishing the feel of Bail's sacs brushing against his.
The whispers never stopped. Obi-Wan looked up into the brown eyes, knowing he was being seen, being remembered, being known. "Obi-Wan... Obi-Wan..." He leaned up, silencing Bail with his mouth and tongue.
Their bodies moved together, faster and faster, seeking release. Obi-Wan felt his groin tighten, felt orgasm close, but not there, not yet. He wrenched his mouth from Bail's and gasped. "Oh, Bail... please. Please..."
Bail licked his palm and reached down, squeezing their hard flesh together in his hand. He looked down into Obi-Wan's eyes and smiled. Moving slowly, he bent down, taking deep sips from the swollen lips beneath him. "Obi-Wan... You're Obi-Wan. My Obi-Wan... Say it. Obi-Wan.... My Obi-Wan."
"Bail!"
The thrusts came faster and harder; the kisses wet and fierce. "Say it. Obi-Wan. I want to hear you say it. You are Obi-Wan. Still. Now. Always. Obi-Wan."
"Yours. Your Obi-Wan. I'm Obi-Wan." A thrust and Bail's hand tightened. "Please, Bail. Let me come. Obi-Wan! I'm Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan convulsed as he climaxed, hands grasping Bail's back. His eyes closed as he sank back into the bed, relishing the weight above him. He breathed deeply, smelling the musk of sweat and sex.
"You okay, Obi-Wan?" Bail's voice was gruff and quiet.
Obi-Wan nodded, half-asleep. "This war, the death. I need to help Ani, Bail. It's too much. I'm lost and he's so young. If I'm lost, what will happen to Ani?"
"Right now, just be Obi-Wan. Anakin will survive. Just sleep now. Stay with me, Obi-Wan, and sleep."
The dark hand stroked his coppery hair until his breath evened out. Through the night, through one night of a long war, General Kenobi stood aside and Obi-Wan slept.
~ fin ~