"Boots Remembered"
Rating: NC-17
Ben Kenobi tells the story of his first-time with Qui-Gon, which was catalyzed by a certain pair of tall, leather boots. Bail Organa is his rapt audience.
General Ben Kenobi entered his temporary quarters, fatigue pulling at his body as though gravity had mysteriously increased its power in the late hours of the day. He walked on, doggedly heading for the depths of what he knew from experience was a sinfully comfortable chair.
How could negotiations be more tiring than field work? It was one of his perpetual conundrums. Maybe it was because when he was directing a battle, or lucky enough to actually be piloting, he felt as though he were in control, capable of accomplishing some benefit to their cause. Despite his years apprenticed to one of the Order's best negotiators, he still found the delicate dance of talk and politics almost unbearably frustrating
Ah, the chair felt wonderful. Small pleasures were the best. He bent down and removed his boots, an act that for him always symbolized the end of the day. If he were lucky, there would be no more expectations made of him for the next several hours. He closed his eyes and wiggled his toes in the decadently soft carpet. As he relaxed back into the cushions, his arms dropped over the low sides of the chair, where his fingers brushed something unexpected.
He glanced to the side. Boots. Bail must have sat in this chair earlier in the evening and performed the same little ritual Ben had indulged in. Yes, now that he stopped to notice, there was definitely a lingering sense of the Viceroy.
A tendril of memory wrapped around him, whispering of a simpler time, almost a lifetime ago. He smiled.
"Now there's a rare sight," a rich voice said from across the room.
Such was Ben's fatigue that, until he spoke, he hadn't noticed Bail leaning against the doorway to the bedroom. "And what is that?" the Jedi replied.
"A smile on the face of General Kenobi." Bail moved into the room and settled on the couch, filtered light playing on the fine blue silk of his robe. "What were you thinking about?" he prodded gently.
Ben squirmed a bit and shook his head, trying to discourage his lover's line of questioning. This could get embarrassing. "Nothing, really," he said. "Finding your boots as I sat here reminded me of something from my youth."
Bail leaned forward, squinting, and Ben tried to hide in the dim light, but it was no use.
"Why, General Kenobi, are you blushing?" Bail teased.
"No!"
"You are! What is it?"
Ben sighed, resigned. He knew Bail wouldn't let it drop.
"Was it about you and Qui-Gon?" Bail asked, softer now.
Ben nodded. "In a strange way, his boots were responsible for us becoming lovers."
An elegant eyebrow rose. "His boots? Please, tell me Ben. I've always wondered how you two went from master and apprentice to lovers. It must have been a difficult transition."
"Yes and no. It happened so gradually -- falling in love, that is -- I can't really say when or how it happened. I was in love with him for a long time before we actually became lovers, though." Ben reached over and picked up one of Bail's boots, running his fingers over it as he spoke. "Qui-Gon's boots were definitely the catalyst for our first time together."
"I wish I could have seen you then," Bail said. "I can imagine you, young, beautiful and so very passionate."
Ben laughed quietly. "Young, yes. Passionate, too. By all the little gods, I was on fire for him."
"Tell me, Ben," Bail whispered. "Tell me the story."
Ben glanced at Bail for a moment, and then settled deeper into the cushions, staring into space.
"It was a night like this. I came back to our rooms late, after my master had gone to bed. I was exhausted from helping with the initiates -- the young ones not yet chosen to be padawans. I remember staggering across the room and flopping onto the couch, where I took off my boots."
"Like tonight," Bail offered.
"Hm. Just like tonight. I noticed Qui-Gon's boots propped next to the couch." Ben shook his head, laughing at himself. "For some reason, I suppose because I'd been with the young ones for several days, I slipped them on. It was something I'd loved to do as a child. I would put on my master's boots and clomp around in them, imagining what it would be like to be so tall, so decisive, so masterful. I didn't think I'd ever live up to his example."
"You have, you know. And more," Bail commented.
Ben shook his head. "At that time, I didn't think I'd ever reach my trials, let alone become a master. Anyway, if I may get back to the story...." he said pointedly.
Bail waved, gracefully signaling him to continue.
"I walked around in Qui-Gon's boots, thinking about how they symbolized my years of apprenticeship, and how they had kept me anchored so many times on missions when we were exhausted, or under fire. It may seem odd to you, but those boots held a very special place in my life.
"Eventually, I came back to the couch where I'd started. As I said, I was in love with my master long before we were ever intimate, and even Jedi teenagers indulge in a sexual fantasy or two."
Ben glanced at Bail for a second with a self-deprecating smile. Reassured by the warm humor in his lover's expression, he stared back into the distance.
"I sat on the couch that night, with my ankle crossed over my knee, pulling at the leather of Qui-Gon's boot while my imagination ran wild. In my mind, he was standing before me, his hands tearing apart my tunics so he could run his hands over my back and suck at my nipples.
"I got myself so aroused sitting there on the couch, I opened my leggings and took myself in hand. I remember the rich smell of the leather as I rubbed the boots with one hand and stroked myself with the other. In my mind, my master moved lower, kneeling so that he could take me in his mouth.
"I thrust into my hand just like I thought I would thrust into Qui- Gon's mouth. He was groaning, and I was groaning on the couch, trying to be quiet, but I could barely contain myself. It didn't take long, especially when I thought of him holding my hips and swallowing around me. I came all over his boot."
Ben peeked at Bail, whose cheeks were faintly pink, and then continued with his story.
"I took off the boot and rubbed the evidence of what I'd done into the leather, assuming it would be dry by morning and Qui- Gon would never know. It was one of the few times I underestimated my master. Of course, I made the mistake of not hiding all the evidence before I went to bed that night."
Bail grinned. "How did he know?"
"As I said, I was exhausted from working with the initiates. I slept well past my usual morning hour, so Qui-Gon had eaten and dressed before I dragged myself to the breakfast table. I was still half-asleep when he came into the common room looking for his boots.
"I told him they were by the couch, and watched him out of the corner of my eye. He noticed right away that I'd been sitting there the night before. He mentioned it when he picked up his boots."
Ben looked expectantly at Bail to see the frown he always wore when he didn't understand something.
"When you're close to someone," the Jedi explained, "you can feel his signature in the Force. It's like a shadow that tells you the person's been there."
Bail frowned less. "Can you feel my shadow?"
"Yes," Ben answered, which evoked a smile.
He returned to staring into the distance. "Qui-Gon put one boot on and buckled it, but stopped before getting the second one on all the way. He took it off, stuck his hand down into it, and pulled out a small, white lump.
"It was my sock. I hadn't noticed the night before that it had come off. Of course, it had to be stuck in that boot."
Bail delicately cleared his throat to hide his laughter.
"He held up the sock and looked at me, so I had to admit that I'd been acting like a first-year padawan wearing his boots around our quarters. The answer seemed to satisfy him at first, but then I saw his eyes narrow like they did when there was something that didn't quite seem right to him. That's when I knew I was in trouble. My heart started to beat double-time.
"He crossed the room, pulled out the chair closest to mine, and sat down with his ankle crossed over his knee. Even I could catch the odor of what I'd done the previous night. I made some pretense of eating, to keep from looking at him. My mind was racing while I desperately tried to exude the calm Jedi persona.
"I remember exactly what he said. 'Is there something you wish to tell me?' A nervous little giggle rippled through my brain, because the way he'd asked the question gave me a loophole. I told him quite honestly that no, there was nothing I wished to say.
"He grabbed my wrist and pulled it down to the table. I had to look at him then, and I came under the awesome power of the full Jedi Master stare. Something about that look always made me feel like he could see straight through me. In this case, I knew that he understood my little deceit, and I wasn't going to get away with it.
"He kept staring, and I started to wither. I finally asked if there was something he wanted. Gods, I can still hear his voice. He said, 'That was going to be my next question to you, Obi-Wan. Is there something that you want?'
"I realized that he was giving me a choice. If I acted as though nothing had happened, he would walk away without saying a word. Or, I could admit my feelings for him and take a chance on the future.
"The problem was, I didn't have the slightest clue if Qui-Gon's feelings matched my own. I mean, he was my master, my mentor, and I was still his apprentice. I was a young, brash whippersnapper. What would he want with me? If he did return my feelings, how would we go on? That knowledge -- that admission -- would change our lives forever."
Ben looked at Bail. He now lay on his side, his long legs stretched out on the couch and his head propped on his hand while he listened intently.
"You know what I decided," Ben said.
"You took the chance, of course. That's the type of person you are, Ben. I'm sure it was no different when you were young."
Ben smiled briefly before looking away. "Yes. I didn't know if I would ever get another opportunity. He'd opened the door for me, so I held my breath and stepped through. I said, 'You. I want you.'
"The expression on Qui-Gon's face was like nothing I'd ever seen. First, it was a wild combination of shock and joy and relief. Then, it quickly focused to the intensity of a saber set on maximum, and he asked if I was certain.
"Now that I'd admitted my desire, I wasn't about to back down. I assured him I was most definitely sure. I wanted him.
"'Then you shall have me,' he said in a rumbling voice I'd never heard before. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He pulled on my wrist, and somehow there I was, astride my master's lap, kissing him. Kissing Qui-Gon. It was odd and wonderful, nothing like what I expected, but everything I wanted.
"His big hands were roving over my bare back. As much as I wanted more of his kisses, I had to lean back into the touch I had fantasized about so many times. I scooted my hips forward as I did, and my groin bumped up against his. I nearly fainted. He was hard. Hard for me, Bail. The proof that he wanted me surged through my body like an orgasm in itself.
"Then his mouth was on my neck and my chest, and I could feel the passion rolling from him. I was giddy with the effect I was having on him. I'd always suspected Qui-Gon would be an intensely passionate lover, and now I knew I was right.
"But, for some reason, he suddenly pulled away. To this day, I don't know why, but he sat there staring at me with an incredibly lustful expression. A nasty thought occurred to me. What if it was just passion just lust? I couldn't stand having him only once. I was in far too deep for that.
"So, it was my turn to ask if he was really sure. He understood my apprehension, because suddenly love washed through our bond, different than any feeling I'd ever sensed from him before. This wasn't the platonic love of a master for an apprentice. This was a love between two men. Two adults who were making a choice. He told me that he'd wanted me for a very long time, but I didn't need to hear the words any more. I knew.
"I started pulling at his tunics, desperate to touch him for the first time as a man touches his lover. I wanted to make him shudder under my fingers. Sitting on his lap didn't give me much room to maneuver, so I stood up and made a quick plan. Start with the boots.
"I pushed his hands away when he began to undo the buckles, and ran my fingers over the soft, worn leather. As I gazed at his boots, I was struck by the enormity of the changes thundering through me. I was leaving behind my life as Qui-Gon's student, beginning a future of so many possibilities. The boots symbolized all that for me."
Ben snickered at himself and shook his head. "Like I said, I was young and impulsive. I stood and stripped off my leggings, knelt before my master, and begged another kiss. Then, I closed my eyes and started thrusting against the leather, my hard cock against his boots.
"I was no innocent, but by all the stars in all the heavens, Bail, it was amazing. I knew he was watching my every move, sitting stock-still except for his breathing, which was getting harsher every second. I gripped his thighs with my hands, holding on as I arched my hips into him and leaned back. The feeling of the boots against me, strong but yielding, rough yet soft, drove the orgasm from me like a thunderclap. I came all over his boots, biting my lip to keep from shouting out."
Ben paused to glance at Bail, who had become quite flushed. His hand was rubbing lightly over his chest, where Ben could see the shadow of a small nub pushed out against the silk. Ben decided his lover looked regally decadent, and went on with the story.
"I fairly collapsed onto his legs for a bit. When I'd caught my breath, he pushed me back on my heels and moved to stand. I was almost afraid to look at him after that sort of wanton display, but I worked up the courage.
"Qui-Gon was barely containing himself. He'd broken into a fine sheen of sweat, and I knew it was costing him dearly not to throw me onto the table and take me right then. But my master's self-control was legendary, and I was discovering it extended to sex.
"That didn't stop him from stripping faster than a Mos Espan whore, though. He was naked and pulling up on my hands so fast, I still think he used Force-enabled speed to accomplish the feat. I certainly didn't protest.
"The feeling of his skin against mine was astonishing. I plastered myself against him, wanting to devour him -- or absorb him -- anything that would somehow get me closer to the man who had suddenly become so much more than my master. He started to move away, but I stopped him with kisses that should have caused sparks. Gods, Bail, the memory of feeling him for the first time, up against me, naked, still makes me weak. I wanted him to hold me that way forever so that I could memorize every nuance of his body.
"I felt his muscles tense, eventually, and knew he meant to move away. I felt his urgency increasing, so I didn't protest. He stepped back and turned toward the table -- which was still covered with our breakfast dishes, remember. With one great sweeping motion of his arm, he sent the food, crockery and tableware onto the floor. It must have crashed with a racket, but I didn't hear it. I only heard him. I only saw him.
"He turned back to me and asked, 'What do you want, Obi- Wan?' It was disconcerting, because it was the demanding tone of my master, coming from the man who was turning into my lover. How could I tell him I wanted to see him spread before me so that I could thrust into him? How could I tell Master Qui- Gon Jinn that I wanted to fuck him senseless?"
A mewl of sympathy drifted from across the room, but Ben ignored it.
"He was so aroused, he had no patience left. He grabbed my arm and asked for a second time what I wanted, so I gathered my courage around me once again, and told him.
"His kiss was his answer, and I knew in that instant that it was fine between us. I watched, almost unbelieving, as he moved toward the end of the table, stepping over his boots where he'd left them on the floor. Lewd padawan that I was, I suddenly had an image of him standing before me, naked but for those tall leather boots. He stared at me, staring at them.
"And damn if he didn't do it. He bent over and slipped them on, showing me his gorgeous ass in the process. Qui-Gon stood, and I gobbled up the site of him, tall and broad, all muscle and grace, with only his boots to hide behind. I think he blushed. My knees very nearly gave out.
"He lay back on the table knocking aside a few more breakfast remains, spread his legs and offered himself to me. I stood there gaping, but he was beyond ready. He actually growled at me. 'Now, Obi-Wan!'
"I pulled his body forward and wrapped his legs around my waist, but my hips were too narrow for that to work. I shifted his ankles up high over my shoulders, which put the boots against the sides of my face, and very nicely framed Qui-Gon in leather in my field of vision. That image is still burned into my memory.
"The smell of the leather with my own scent added to it was incredibly erotic. It went straight through me. I buried myself in him, thrusting hard. I remember he arched up to meet every stroke. The smell pervaded my brain, and I actually reached out with my tongue to taste myself on the boot. Qui-Gon groaned and called out to me. I barely had time to look at him before I came, crying out my love for him. My eyes were closed when I heard him call my name an instant later, and I knew he'd followed me over the edge. I collapsed on top of him, and he wrapped his arms around me, whispering in my ear that he loved me.
"And that was our first time. If it weren't for Qui-Gon's boots, I don't know how we would have ever admitted our true feelings for each other."
"You would have found a way, just like we did," Bail whispered.
Ben sighed and shifted in the chair, feeling the effects of his storytelling. He looked across the room, and saw that he was not the only one to have become aroused by the tale. Bail's fingers teased over a bulge pushing against the folds of silk. His lips were parted, his eyes hooded.
After a moment, Bail stretched out his hand. "Ben," he said, "come to me?"
General Kenobi left the soft chair for the comfort of his lover's arms.
"My passionate Jedi." Darkness swallowed the words.
~ fin ~