Public Education

by Keelywolfe

It only seemed appropriate that a conversation that he didn't want to have was about to take place in front of half a dozen people that he didn't want to see it. Especially Sam. Bee dared a glance behind him to see that Sam had seated himself and was eating, pointedly not looking their way. If Ratchet hadn't been right in front of him, Bumblebee would have run a diagnostic to check his blood sugar levels but then, if Ratchet hadn't been here Bee could be sitting with him making sure he ate sufficient quantities.

At least the corner that Ratchet chose was sufficiently distant. He swung around, displeasure evident on his unfamiliar human face. "All right, Bumblebee, enough is enough. I'm scheduling you for training in simulated mating."

Oh, no. No, no, no. Bumblebee frowned and snapped out, "I am not going in for training on how to have sex!"

"You can and you will. What you can't do is continue on this way. You're going to damage yourself."

"I am not!"

"Or you are going to burn out your holographic relay and then I will be the one having to replace it while I listen to the two of you whine about how long it will take," Ratchet said, his tone as cool and calm as it always was. It must be some part of the programming in a medical officer. "You aren't the only one affected by this, you know. I'm the one who gets a warning signal about an Autobot going into involuntary stasis and then I have to check it out, only to find that it's you. Again. As fascinating as human sexuality is, I'm getting rather tired of being a third party in your experiments in it!"

"I just need--"

"You need training and you're going to get it. I believe Sunstreaker has sufficient experience in this area."

There weren't words to express his horror at the very concept. "No, absolutely not."

Ratchet huffed impatiently. "Oh, for pity's sake, it's training! If you can't set aside your differences for an hour of training..."

"Ratchet, I swear, I would power myself down and sent my shell into the sun before I would let Sunstreaker train me in anything!" Much less sex. Bumblebee could barely hold back a shudder of revulsion at the thought of anything belonging to Sunstreaker touching him in the way Sam did.

"Fine. Sideswipe has some experience in this as well. I'll discuss it with him and set up a time in the next day--"

"Ratchet, please. Let me try one more time," Bee pleaded. He glanced at Sam, who hurriedly looked away, focusing back on his food. Sam with dark hair and eyes, and a sharp smile. A gentle touch. Sam who was brave and strong beyond anything he had ever expected to see in an organic species. "I don't want to be with anyone else."

"That's a human way of thinking," Ratchet said cryptically. Bumblebee didn't answer, only pleaded silently with him in that very same human way. "Fine, fine. You may have one," he stressed, "And I mean one more opportunity to get this figured out on your own. But if I am pulled from my rest state again because you can't control your receptors, you are undergoing training. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," Bumblebee held up his hands in surrender.

"I won't approach Sideswipe today, but if the training becomes necessary and he is unwilling, then I shall do it myself."

"Ratchet!" Bumblebee exclaimed, scandalized. Sunstreaker was one thing, but Ratchet...Ratchet was old!

"Don't dwell on it. If you manage it on your own then this will all be unnecessary." Ratchet gave him a nod. "Now go back to him. He is the human this equation, perhaps he has a suggestion."

Bumblebee didn't answer, turning away and making his way slowly to the table that Sam had chosen. If he didn't want to have this conversation with Ratchet, then he certainly did want to have it with Sam. Ever. He wasn't sure if he could explain it in a way that a human could understand.

He'd certainly had training before and the while the idea of engaging another Autobot in a human sexual fashion didn't appeal to him, it was something he would reluctantly undertake if it allowed him to remain with Sam.

But Ratchet didn't seem inclined to acknowledge that there was another human trait that had websites, sitcoms, and hundreds of marriage counselors dedicated to it.

Humans didn't like to share.

Sam looked up at him when he sat down, perhaps a bit too hard, across from him. His eyes were dark with concerns that Bumblebee had no desire to address, most of his processors focused on a single issue. He had one opportunity to figure out how to do this properly.

It was a shame he had no idea how to begin.

-finis-


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